The Married Man Saga. Can You Save Your Marriage?

photo from Entertainmentpk

I am single and it seems that lately, either men who are already involved with someone or who are married have been showing signs of interest in me. It seems that they aren't being too forthcoming, but make it clear that if I want to play they are definitely up for it.My views are, "If you didn't like it then you shouldn't have put a ring on it!" That way you can do as you please. One guy tells me he and his wife were separated for a while then he let her come back, then she said they have grown apart, then he agreed, now he's not sure and blah blah blah freaking blah. I tell you what, if you're not divorced then you're married. Stop looking for an outlet in other places and work on your marriage. I do know there are times when you and your wife have just grown apart. Where no matter what you do she just does not appreciate it. In those cases; you may need to consider other options. Face it some women are just cruel!

I have had married guys who try to make being "friends" seem like just a walk in the park. Guess what? It's a walk that I'm not interested in taking. You see my opinion is if your wife finds out about your alleged "friend" who happens to be a not so bad looking female, then I'm sure she wouldn't be okay with the late night chats, the texting, and the occasional phone calls you attempt to make. Would you invite your female "friend" over for pie with you and your lovely wife? Probably not. I read a tweet from a person who goes by the twitter name "@menexplained" His words:

menexplained 

"You don’t have male friends. All your male friends either want to sleep with you or date you. Possibly both."

I have to say I agree 100 %. I mean it's just human nature for a man to be attracted to a female. So don't come to me with this, "We can be friends." bull crap because you know that's not all you are interested in being. 

I have to ask this question. Men , what is it that makes you want to stray away? Did your wife suddenly become boring? Did all the goals she said she had that made you fall madly in love with her suddenly fade away? Did you marry her for money and now she has none left? Is her super-hot body starting to super sag now? I mean what is it? I'm big about about mending broken relationships and broken people. There has to be a way to make things work if you're willing to put in the work and face the giant; and not try to take the easy way out by seeking cheap thrills elsewhere. I've come up with just a few things I think may help.

1. Be open and ask her what's wrong? Let her know you notice a difference and just want to know what has changed between you two. She may just tell you.

2. Take a nice long look at yourself and the way you've been treating her. Chances are if you're suddenly interested in another female, she's picked up on it one way or the other. Figure out how to address it before it hits the fan.

3. Suggest counseling. There may be some emotional things going on with your wife or with you that neither one of you know how to resolve. Trained counselors know how to probe and get to the root cause of a matter. Try it.

4. Bring the romance back. What you did to get her, do it to keep her. I know we live in a struggling economy right now, but a simple rose, a movie night and dinner at a restaurant you know she loves, or just a simple foot massage at home after a hot bath. Trust me, she'll notice. Note: Don't always look for something in return right away once you knock her off her feet; chances are she'll fall back in love with you all over again. If she doesn't then make sure you try step one.

5. Stop the blaming game with each other and work on a fix or solution that makes since for you both. We all get into deep crap at times, but let's not point the finger, try working on it together. 

There are many more things you can do to save the love of your life and not have to cheat on her. Just make a vow to try and see where it goes. I'd like you to share your views on this post and let me know what you think. Thanks for stopping by!

Tinzley Bradford

How Patient Should You Be When Dating?

Photo by Elite Choice.org http://bit.ly/h67X64

For those of you who know me, you've probably already figured it out that I have zero tolerance for confused, unsure, immature or inconsiderate men when dating. Often times I write about my not so great dating experience and send the dude packing never to be seen or read about again.

Why is this you may ask? Well it's because I know what I want and what I'm looking for and I feel an adult mature man should know the same. I mean why else would we be dating? I'm not there to learn restaurant etiquette or how to watch a movie and not even look at each other once; I'm there to date and get to know this guy in hopes of finding true love.

But I've been told by a few people that maybe I'm being impatient. Maybe I should give the guy time to come around and be much of what I'm looking for. In other words, I should not cut him off just because he may not have called me and talked since the date or even texted or shown any interest. It could be that he's evaluating his emotions ( I don't think so ) Or just because he loves to sit and talk/yell about sports and makes it clear that he will be watching sports with his friends and drinking lots of beer. ( Can't help but to wonder if he's preparing me for something.)
Also, even if he does look "lame" I've been told maybe I can work with that. My biggest problem with that is, men want us women to be all sexy, beautiful and desirable; yet they can look lame and I'm forced to work with it? (Huh!)

So I'd like to know just how patient should you be when dating? The clock is ticking, how long should I wait? I've come up with a few things that shouldn't cause you to just cut him off so fast. These are a few things that I've seen many guys eventually make a major change in that could allow for a successful, long lasting relationship once he does. Note: it doesn't include him not calling or showing interest because those are things he should do.

1. Issue: He doesn't dress well or looks sloppy and un-kept. Now this is a pet peeve I have for sure. I mean why should I date a guy who looks sloppy and doesn't even compliment me when we're together? I mean I take the time to be well groomed, why can't he?
Answer: Many guys believe it or not don't get the importance of appearance and the impression it makes on a female. They will throw on an old too tight college tee-shirt and show up and your front door with flowers.(but at least he brought flowers) This is something that with time and guidance, I'm sure a woman can help him boost his gear up a notch. Soon he'll be coming around looking so fly, you'll be like whoa!!! Make some suggestions and give him time especially if that's the only issue you have and he's otherwise a great guy.

2. Issue: He still lives with his mother. Now this even for me is the number one no no. I mean what are we going to do? Make out while his mom sits and coaches us along? I need a man with his own so we can have privacy and not be forced to sit and talk about who Monica Kaufman's hairstylist was many years ago.
Answer: While this can be an immediate turn off for a female; it does allow you a chance to see the type of relationship he has with his mother. Also, in today's struggling economy, there are a lot of great people men and women who simply had to start over. Maybe he's one of them and his stay at home with mom is only temporary. Is he a good guy who treats you with respect and uses his own money to take you out? How often have you heard him speaking of getting his own place again? Is he his mother’s caregiver? Can you handle that?  I mean try to be patient with him and see where he's headed, he just may surprise you. Now if three generations have passed and he's still there, you should have been moved on.

3. Issue: He doesn't rip your clothes off or undress you with his eyes. Okay I'm sure many women feel that if a man doesn't seem to be ready to go crazy in the bedroom, then he must not be interested. (In women that is.)  
Answer: Now this is something that you should actually be happy for. While many guys show their attraction by constantly reminding you how "sexy" you look or how he'd just like to well you know. There are actually guys who are very attracted to you but prefer to be more reserved and be a gentlemen about it. I can respect a guy like this who doesn't just go crazy trying to get you into the bedroom, or on the counter-top, or in the shower or on the patio or well you know.( Wooo! was getting little carried away there. LOL) Anyway, thank God for a guy like this and as long as he's showing interest in you by calling, talking to you, coming to see you and showing clear signs that you and him are dating exclusively, trust me the rest will all fall into place when the time is right. Who wants a nymphomaniac anyway? I've made the mistake of given in fast before and realized I like a guy who can wait.

4. Issue: He doesn't by you gifts or presents. Now I'm sure we all like to be spoiled and charmed, but when you're just dating it's at his discretion whether or not he wants to buy you gifts yet. I mean it's pretty neat and it's a kind thing to do but he doesn't and shouldn't have to do it. 
Answer: If you're looking to be spoiled the easy way by just showing your boobs, buns and dorkyness; then you may need to go put on your two pony tail wig, your stilettos, mini skirt and go join "Hugh Heffner" and the crew over at the Play Boy Mansion. Many guys have been used and abused and while they don't mind treating you to dinner and a movie, a diamond necklace from "Jarred's" may be asking a bit much. He may be trying to make sure you're not just a gold digger looking for a man who bares gifts. If he really likes you and the two of you start dating exclusively then trust me the gifts and spoiling will come. And it would be nice if you'd do the same for him occasionally, don't just be a taker.

I'd like you to share your views on this subject. Just how patient should you be? Are you willing to wait for a guy to get to a certain point or if he's not there right away do you cut him off and move on? Thanks for stopping by.
 
Tinzley Bradford

I'm Into You, You're Into Me...Now What?

Photo from Google Images

So what are the next steps? I really don’t even know at this point and I’m actually quite tired of playing the game called,” What’s he thinking?” I decided to allow and trust this guy who after many years of just barely speaking finally expressed a “crush” he says he’s had on me for years. So I’m feeling honored and excited at the same time. Part of me wants him to know, part of me doesn’t. It’s been known that if a guy knows you’re just as interested in him as he is in you, then you’re no challenge. 

I’m stuck at this point, but decided to go ahead and just open up. I mean I’m 38 years old and I’m not trying to be single forever; so why not share my feelings with him? Amazingly he received it well and we started to message and text each other consistently. I’m feeling good at this point. I told him I’m looking for my husband, he told me he’s looking for his wife.  The conversation just seemed to flow and I’m like whoa I might be on to something. 

Suddenly it all stopped! Which is what I was hoping wouldn't happen, but totally expected it. He'd already told me he requires a lot of attention which to me is kinda hard to do if you clearly see he's no longer showing interest in you anymore. I mean what the heck is it? They poor their soul out and you poor yours out, we both are supposedly on the same page and I'm feeling super good right now. Then he turns around and pulls this. The no call, not text, no chat, no sign of interest after just days before being all engaged in conversation. Now I'm not expecting a guy to call me 24/7, but I also don't expect to not hear from the very person who just days before said he wants to be with me. "For real!" 

What I don't want to do is feel stressed or desperate and worried about whether or not he will call back if I call him first and it goes to his voice mail. Or if I text and he doesn't respond or even if I send an IM and suddenly his status goes to "Member is now offline." Ugh!

Earlier I posted on twitter and my tweet was :

tinzleyb 

Whatever you may be about to do, think about how it makes you feel. You'll be amazed at the way you may or may not have a change of heart!

 

So I will apply this to my current experience with Mr. I won't call her, I'll let her call me. I will no longer try to make a square peg fit in a round hole. If this man is meant for me and me for him, then I'd be writing an entirely different blog talking about how awesome he is. Instead I'm once again blogging about the not so good experience I'm once again having the moment I try to open up and date. I mean we were laughing, we were so compatible, we were  so "into each other."

Okay I have to ask your opinions. If this was you would you be more open minded, call him and be like "What happened? I mean you didn't call today?" or would you just pack up and move on as I'm going to do? I just don't have time to give lessons on dating. You're either interested or you're not.

Thank you