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You've got men all over the place, but you just want one. It's okay to date actually it's quite healthy to not put all your eggs in one basket until you believe you've found, "the one."
So you've been talking to this person for a while and while there's not really a personal connection; the two of you seem to like each other. Now you've made it clear that you are hoping for a relationship long term and are open to dating but looking for something more stable. In other words, you are looking for more than just "that thing." So how do you make sure you don't get caught in that, “well, we are two adults “phase that always seems to lead to disaster and you feeling like you wish you hadn't done it? I recently had a guy I'd been talking to from Jersey come in town to visit me. Now we've had some pretty fun conversations and yes we flirted a lot over the phone, but that does not mean that it's on and popping once you get here. This is where he went oh so wrong, he immediately tried to score without even offering to go anywhere together, learn more about me now that we were finally face to face nor did he show any real interest in doing so; he just wanted to get "that thing." I have come up with some clear signs to look for that may help you avoid falling victim to the one-nighter.
1. Has he tried to learn more about you by talking to you and getting to know more about you? Or does he just see you and before he even knows your last name, he's trying to rip your blouse apart? If you find him staring at the twins more than he's looking into your eyes then yep, he may just be about "that thing." Don't fall into it, you'll feel crumby later. Especially if you know in your heart you're looking for more and vowed not to make this same mistake again.
2. Does he come to visit you while the sun is still out? If you're off during the day and he seems to have some time off too, why does he only want to come over when the moon is out and the stars are glowing? He's probably hoping to get in in the mood for you know what. Suggest he come visit you during the day and maybe meet him somewhere to avoid being anywhere near a mattress, sofa or even a counter-top. (Yes counter-top, I'm sure we've all seen "Fatal Attraction?")
3. Is that all he talks about? What he wants to do to you, how sexy you look to him, how do you like it? I mean has he even bothered to ask how your day went. These are clear signs that he's only interested in "that thing." I don't care how long he claims it's been, last time i checked; it wasn't your job to take care of him in that way. Huh! If it's that serious, suggest he dial 1-800-come-get-it because you are not the one. You have to be clear on this even if you claim to want it too, deep down inside you want more and wishes he felt the same. Trust me, he doesn't. (What’s your last name again?)
4. Don't be so easy, especially if it was you who said you don't want just one thing. How can he tell if the moment he touches you, whoop there it is? You have to practice what you preach and stand firm to it. You know then man you're seeking will be willing to wait and if he's not, then oh well maybe he needs to be reminded that you want more. If he uses the old line," You know we have to test drive it before we buy it." Let him know you're not for sale and you don't come with a license plate, tag or steering wheel, you're a lady not his "joy ride."
Tinzley Bradford
2 comments:
This is all so true, and applies to women of all ages. I think that a lot of women feel guilty if they don't give a man what he wants, which is silly. If you don't stand up for your own values, then no one will do it for you.
I just don't think you should have to be made to feel you're being difficult just because you don't just make out just because they want to and think you should too. He won't mind waiting if he really wants you.
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