How Honest is Too Honest?

Photo From Microsoft Istock photos

I wanted to really analyze the issue at hand. How honest is too honest? We all want to meet that soul mate, that person we fall madly in love with, who we feel we can trust, you know we all want to meet "the one." So what do you do when you meet someone who has many good qualities, but you're just not that attracted to him for other reasons?

You've been single for so long and now you think this person maybe the answer to your prayers. But why couldn't he be just as interesting to you as you are to him? You start to notice things about him that you just can't seem to get past. I mean should you really have to force yourself to like someone unconditionally or should it come natural? This guy I recently dated wasn't the most attractive person, but he was a very nice person. When we first met, by the end of the day I knew he'd just gotten a divorce and had a room mate who he once dated, but claimed it was over. ( Red Flag! ) I wanted to believe him and totally understood how a person could be in a situation like that, being freshly divorced and having to start all over again.

I didn't want to judge him because I'd found myself looking for faults of despair in just about every guy I'd been meeting. Many times I had a valid point, but there have been times that I may have played a huge role in the relationship not blossoming. What can I say, I want what I want and know what I want. This time I tried to go for more of what I needed which was a hard working, nice respectable guy who cares about me.

This guy seemed to have that going for him, but just a few problems. How does one deal with these issues below? I share my views.

Problem number 1. He had bad breath. This is tough because there is such thing as a dentist, if only he'd go to one. I remember when we went out once I asked him if he had a full dental plan and he said yes. I don't think he caught on to where I was headed but eventually I let him know. But should I have just not said a thing and continued to date him despite how hard it was to as much as give him a kiss? My answer is no, to me this is a reason to be honest. I mean this is the person that will be very close to your face possibly for the rest of your lives so I think I did the right thing. His response, " My breath isn't that bad, maybe your nose just don't like it!" ( Who says that? #childish )

Problem number 2. He seems to be keeping his ex room mate on the back burner just in case things don't work out with me and him, he will at least have someone in his life. Even though he shared with me this person doesn't plan on committing to him and has a boyfriend of her own. Some things to me are just red flags. He'd met my family and been to my house tons of times, me on the other hand; I didn't even know where he lived. Know matter what a guy tells you about an ex, if he can't allow you access to him like you do for him, then don't even move forward. This guy was so co-dependent that he'd rather deal with being disrespected, used and not valued than to deal with a little constructive criticism from a woman like me who was very caring, but felt he needed to know.

Problem number 3. He can't really handle the truth. I remember sharing things with this guy that I found was hindering me from really wanting to be with him. In addition to the bad breath, he was just corny and didn't have anything interesting to talk about ever. It's like he was always depending on me to make him happy, and keep the relationship interesting. He'd sit on the phone making all these strange noises, Laughing to himself at things that until this day, weren't funny. He always told me how wonderful I was and how exciting I was to be around. He even let me know early on, that once I'm successful and have to relocate, he'd be willing to quit his job and come along. This was just three weeks after we met keep in mind. "Come along?" You won't ride my coat tale to success. I started to realize I wasn't getting what he was getting. I was actually very bored with him. I need a strong man with educated yet interesting conversation; not a man who looks to me for his own personal amusement as I sit there bored and irritated from yet another one of those freaking noises he keeps making on the phone. I deserve to be just as interested in the man I'm dating as he is in me. ( #lame )


Problem number 4. This guy was not the best dresser I mean here I am stepping out looking pretty darn good and want my man to be looking pretty darn good. Here he comes with a Hawaii print bright yellow shirt, cross color jeans ( early eighties style ) and some pointy toes snake skin shoes that didn't even match. Get this, he considered that his " good attire." He usually showed up with a shirt three sizes too small on his pot belly a male boobs. Just a complete turn off. I admit I did try to make it work, but shared my opinions with him. Even though he claimed to totally understand and was happy I spoke my mind and knew what I wanted. He later got mad and took all my constructive criticism personally and held it against me. I'm like I was just speaking what is. Keep in mind, his body was bad, but I tried to over look that. My goodness, I'm doing a lot of compromise here for a guy that I'm not really that into. ( #get lost! )

If the tables were turned, would he have accepted me? Too many times we as females allow things about men we don't necessarily like, just to give them a shot. He gets to have all his buddies going, " Man she's pretty you did good!" ( true story ) But we on the other hand, have our friends going, " Well at least he's a nice guy. Doesn't seem like your type" (#he's not my type )

I will end this blog asking, how honest is too honest? Should I have continued to date him and just deal with his short comings simply because he's a "nice guy?" ( # no way )

Tinzley Bradford