When he Doesn't want to Just be Friends....

I'm trying to deal with a situation where a stumbling block has caused a bit of tension between me and the guy I'm currently dating. I wanted to share my views about what can go wrong if you decide for what ever reason, that you just want to be friends, but he doesn't seem to be happy with this decision. I won't go into details about why I want to just be friends, but I will say that if either one of you began to act differently than you were when you first started dating then complications will began to arise and the relationship will suffer. I really can't seem to grasp why this would be a problem, but it is especially if you both aren't open minded enough to make it work. These are a few signs that he doesn't want to just be friends so he begins to change:

1. When you break the news to him, he immediately replies " I feel like I'm losing you." If he says this, it could indicate that if there is no real "title" to your relationship and he can no longer "claim you" as his, then he has already indicated in so many words he doesn't just want to be friends. How will he be losing what he never actually had? Dating and being in a relationship are two totally separate things. If he can't see that being just friends isn't the end of the world and that you will both still be in each others lives, then you may want to remind him that as long as he doesn't change, then neither will you.

2. He doesn't call as much, just the occasional text. Now if this guy who once claimed to be so into you that he was talking marriage, the future, how happy he is that you're in his life and blah blah blah , freaking blah, suddenly stops calling you and is clearly creating this "distance" he acted so afraid would began to happen between you as friends starts to happen; then when it does, he has no one to blame but himself. You can't force him to call or stay in touch, it's up to him. To me it shows an inability to just enjoy learning more about a person and not rushing into a relationship which is what many people do a lot of, then later have major problems.

3. The conversation doesn't seem to flow well anymore. If you've gone from excitement, laughter, constant engagement to dry, short and what seems to be forced conversation then you can just about tell he no longer wants to talk to you if he can't talk mushy all day and night because you're just friends and he doesn't feel mushy is appropriate.  If you find yourself having to force yourself to talk to him and him to you, this means there is still tension and a healthy friendship shouldn't feel uncomfortable. I can suggest just let it be, if he no longer wants to talk because he can't have you ; then oh well. Too bad so sad, you've done your part by trying to stay in his life and who knows where things could have evolved if done the right way? Guess he wasn't that interested after all right?

These are just a few things I've recently witnessed when I confronted the guy I was dating to allow us to be friends. He is clearly changing and I'm not going to take on his and my task to remain friends. If friends isn't good enough for him, then a relationship definitely wouldn't be. You must first be able to like each other and each others company before you can love each other. If he can't allow this then be gone!

Tinzley Bradford