Does Having An Opinion In A Relationship Make You Controlling??

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My sister called me up and shared some disturbing news with me. She advised me her boyfriend had recently broken up with her. The reason , he felt she was trying to 'change him.' I wondered hmmm that sounds very similar to a situation I was recently in, I was seeing a guy who always had negative comments to make about how horrible his life was. He spoke often about how no employer would give him a chance because of his criminal back ground. He often wore a wife beater, with all his tattoos exposed, these long baggy, ridiculous basketball shorts, and to top it off, flip flops and socks. OMG !!!


I explained to him that maybe if he would act, look and be the part, he wouldn't have such a hard time.If you take yourself seriously, then maybe other people will too. Then I suggested sites he could visit online for people with a criminal record such as
http://www.larcc.org/pamphlets/benefits_work/criminal_record_pamphlet.htm

http://www.wikihow.com/Get-a-Job-with-a-Criminal-Record

to name a few. I would tell him over and over again, there are ways to get what you want in this world and there is information for days with ways this can be accomplished all over the internet. I also had a very strong view of loyalty that this guy could not seem to understand my stance on that. I felt that if you say you like a person, you should make sure that you do more than text occasionally and please call if you say you're going to call.



Well I knew at times things may happen and you can't always call, but when it's an ongoing issue then something is very wrong. I mean, I want to know that the man I'm dating really cares about me and shows me by at least keeping his word and making me feel special. So I would confront him with it. What do I get? Him thinking I'm trying to control him and trying to change him because that's just who he is and blah blah blah blah!



My mission was never to control him, I was just expressing my feelings and helping him know how to love me and show me. I thought these things were important and that communication was key. So why was this such a huge problem for him? Needless to say, we broke up because of this. So I have to ask, why is it when as a woman you share your thoughts on something and it gets all twisted, then you're left hanging? I mean I'm happy it's over because I deserve to be with someone who listens to me and me to him without always bickering about it, just like my lovely sister deserves the same. But what’s a woman to do? Just sit in complete silence and deal with what may be bothering her?


So when is sharing controlling? Can some descent fellow tell me?

Tinzley Bradford