The answer in my opinion is, NO! No one should have to wait for someone to get themselves together, especially if he already said he's interested, he wants to be with you, and he enjoys your company. I have not met one married couple who only texted each other before deciding to get married.
I speak from experience, and I'm beginning to see the light really clear. This guy in particular, has already pretty much given me all the answers I'm looking for. He likes me so he told me that, he wants to keep me around so he plays the occasional texting game, he would like things to get serious, so he never calls much, he really means this so we never go anywhere, we never have plans to do things together, yet I'm to think " I'm the one he wants?"
I remember him telling me one day, I'd be great if I wasn't so uncomfortable with giving in to him in bed.( and yes he was serious. ) Then once he saw that I was not going to just indulge in the act with a man I'm uncertain of, he began no contact,only texting and said " I need to give him time to get his self together." My question is, if we were getting it on would he still need time to get his self together? Does sex define everything a relationship truly stands for to some men?
In my opinion, when you truly like someone, you don't need time to simply show them that. You and she have discussed that you may not be where you want to be financially,but you are working on it.( she's probably working on it too.) This is fine,but you still have to call and stay in touch if you really want to be taken seriously.Believe it or not, all women aren't out looking for a pay master, we just want love and we want it to be genuine.
Tinzley
10 comments:
Posted by Theresa K Sat Dec 5, 2009 3:58pm PST
"Unfortunately, Tinzley, i was placed in the same predicament. I met the guy over a year ago. i told him though that I wait for no one. If he lets someone slide into home plate ahead of him that's his problem. He would go two to three months without any contact and then he'd call out of the blue as if it had only been three days since we've spoken. His excuse??? Phone issues. BS!!!! Dude is 37 years old and he's giving me the whole phone issues crap?!!!! I called him on it. Then he would ask me why I hadn't called him. Well, he is one of those who almost never (and I mean like 80% of the time) doesn't answer his phone. He swears he isn't seeing anyone, but I told him he acts like someone who is involved and trying to cheat. Now, I never stopped dating other guys because I will not be put on hold for anyone. I am 36 y/o and I am trying to find a husband. He always would say he's ready and he wants me to be his second wife in the near future, but as long as I've known him we have never had an official date. I don't/didn't have time for his crap. So, now, he's crying fowl and saying I am being impatient and unfair. Boo hoo!!! Cry me a river. One should NEVER play with another's emotions."
Posted by BethL Sat Dec 5, 2009 5:32pm PST
"This is exactly the same predicament I'm in. I meant this guy at an online networking site and we spoke to each other online for several months until I was comfortable and trusted him enough to meet him in person. Later on I found out that we live 30 seconds away from each other. We finally met and spoke one to the other and there was chemistry starting up. After seeing him a couple more times I was developing strong feelings for him. Out of the blue for some reason he texts me and says that he is not "financially or emotionally ready to have a girlfriend", and that I was a "good girl" and he did not want to change that. So of course I was hurt and disappointed and I told him and I was alright with it and that's all she wrote. A day later he texts me saying 'I'm sorry' and like an idiot I responded back and we kept on doing that explaining how the other felt. Eventually we agreed on having a "friends with benefits" relationship, similar to the situation of Tinzley. I'm 22 and he's 24 so on one hand I see nothing wrong with it since we're both very young, but on the other hand I just feel like confused somewhat. Now I'm trying to decide whether to continue this chirade or do something about it."
Posted by Tamara Sat Dec 5, 2009 5:42pm PST
"I say No Hell No Because If You Wait On a Man The Only thing they will do is continue to make you wait because he know he can make you then he'll keep putting you on hold in the relatsonship until he either realize that you left or you are the right one"
Posted by TRACEY Sat Dec 5, 2009 6:21pm PST
"I was in a similar situation 8 months ago with a guy that I was seeing for 3 yrs. We never when out on an official date;we simple just had sex. When I first met him I was imediately attracted to him and he was attracted to me. The problem was that he was attracted to my body and never really showed any interest in getting to know me other than having sex. I do not blame him he never lied about what he wanted. He would texted and I would respond. A month would go by and I would not hear from him. Then another two months ago by and he would call to feel me out. by then I am not feeling him, but I would give in because I really did like him. Finally one day I thought about it and realized that this has been going on for 3 yrs. I finally decided that I had had enough and have not had any contact with him in 8 months. It was somewhat liberating to be rid of the situation, but some times I feel like I want to call yo say hello, but than I came to my senses and remember how painful it was being with him. My advise for the young lady is to move on with her life because it does get easy eveyday that goes by and resides this will allow room for someone new to enter her life once she let go."
Posted by Amelia Sat Dec 5, 2009 7:22pm PST
"oh my goodness this is actually happening to me right now! I have spent 1 night a week with this guy for 4 weeks. His birthday was coming up so I bought tickets to and event that we had similar interests in. I hadnt heard from him in 5 days, I was going crazy, "why isn't he texting me" So I decided to to cancel on him and leave it at that. Then a few hours after I canceled on him through text he text me and asked me if I was looking for a relationship from this. I responded that yes I was but I do not want to get hurt or used, and then asked him what he wanted and that I just wanted to know because I was confused. He responded with "I just got out of a relationship and I am not ready to get back into one so quickly, I like you and I like hanging out with you maybe 2-3 months down the road I can see something happening if you still want to hang out but not right now" I really like him. I agreed. I told myself that I will not wait 3 months but I will give this a little more time. We have a great time together, the feelings are mutual and genuine and yes we have been intimate, but seeing him once a week is also not cutting it for me. Im pretty confused and taking it one day at a time but I will not wait forever!"
Posted by Macy Sat Dec 5, 2009 7:51pm PST
"From my personal experience, and also from observing my friends...when two people truly like each other and want to be together, they can't stand being apart for very long...they want to spend time together, and whenever they can't be physically together, they communicate via other means...frequently.
Do not fall for that wait-for-me-i-will-come-around trap. As a general rule, the latter won't happen.
As for Tinzley's question: Does sex define everything a relationship truly stands for to some men?"...yeah, unfortunately if the man only seeks the relationship for the sexual relief, then to him sex would define everything that this relationship stands for.
"Don't give in sexually before there is an established emotional bond in the relationship, or else once the hormones and the novelty wear off, there won't be anything else to keep that man involved with you. If you only meet for the sexual encounter, then he is not investing any time to get to know you as a person."
Posted by Tom Sat Dec 5, 2009 11:18pm PST
"ladies...ladies...ladies....texting is the worst thing possible...men love it and why? because they DON'T have to TALK to you in an interactive way. I refuse to textanybody. Leave a voice mail or better yet CALL her and TALK to her. I am sorry texting is a cowards way out. just my 2 cents. I want to her the woman I care about and listen to her emotions thru her voice. When I like a woman I want her to hear my voice (either live or on voice mail) what I say."
Posted by Mauna Sun Dec 6, 2009 5:13am PST
"What's the point of having this type of communication on a regular basis? IMO, this is retarded, which continues to show me why so many people cannot intelluctualy communicate with each other person to person. An electronic relationship? That's a first!"
Posted by Chrysalis Sun Dec 6, 2009 6:43am PST
"OMG, we are such a sick and selfish society it makes me want to puke. These men appreciate nothing in their life, least of all the gifts you ladies have to offer. Trust me, they serve only one God, and it is themselves. Unfortunately, this is becoming the way of American society, and these men and their attitudes are just a natural byproduct of a society obsessed and in love with itself. Our society is all about glorification of the self, and it will bring us to ruin. Do not follow their example.
Ladies, this is just a thought. There are people out there who are hungry, cold, lonely or otherwise in need of your help. It may not sound as glamorous or fun as having a boyfriend, but ultimately it is more rewarding than what these men have to offer you. Give your gifts to those who need them. These men have already seen what you have, and they have decided they can do without you."
Posted by Tinzley Sun Dec 6, 2009 8:26am PST
"Thank you for your comments I like the difference and similarities in your views. I must say, this is an eye opener and as Macy said, when two people like each other, you can't PLAN time apart because all you think about is each other. If someone says they will wait a while then come back and be with you, they are definitely being dishonest about something. It could be they are not sure if they really like you, but part of them does.( not good ) Or they have someone they are with and maybe they are about to end it with them, they could be bi-sexual ( yes this is true ) or they really could only be after sexual relief. So be careful in your quest for love. Great views!!!!"
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