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Monday, August 11, 2014

Over Coming a Troubled Past and Finding True Love through Self Love. The Brenda Davis Story

  

                                          



In today’s world I'm  sure many of you can agree that there are so many people who have experienced a troubled past. One of the reasons I started this blog and wrote my first self-help dating guide  " And You Wanna See My Feet?" http://www.amazon.com/And-You-Wanna-See-Feet/dp/1497408423 was because I've seen so many broken, hurt, bitter, depressed and stuck people who because of bad relationships, a troubled past as well as unexpected deception from people they trusted, have been unable to pick up the pieces and move on. They simply CAN'T LET GO OF THEIR PAST! This can cause one to allow bad behavior from others, feel insecure and begin to hate themselves and settle for B.S. in a relationship just so they can have say they somebody, and they just give up on themselves and that's when allowing abuse can begin. Some even become deeply depressed which can lead to suicide. 

Another sad thing I've noticed is, when you don't feel good about yourself you will do one of two things. You'll either be very anti-social and isolate yourself from the rest of the evolving world or you'll become a rebel who just does not care and will do any and everything from having unprotected sex to using and abusing drugs just to hide your pain.

I often wondered why some people can make it and some people just can't? For me I'm just zero tolerance for any crap from men because you already know, I just don't have time for it and I don't see the point of the extra stress of someone who’s dragging me down all up in my way.....NEXT!!  But for some females they are quite alright with bad behavior and many times, they'll make excuses for his behavior. If he talks to her any kind of way she'll say "Oh that's just how he is!" If he cheats on her she'll give him an ultimatum instead of packing her stuff and getting the h--l on! We see these signs of low self-esteem mostly from women , now this is not to say that men don't have past issues because we all know it can be both men and women but where I notice the behavior most is from females. We've got to share positive stories of overcoming such as my highlighted guest today Brenda Davis.

Today’s blog is about a young lady who has quite a testimony. Brenda Davis of Atlanta GA. She was sexually abused by a close family member from the age of ten years old, she was abandoned and left to raise three kids by herself, and she began to party, smoke weed and get high all the time. Her life was spiraling out of control and going downhill FAST, she'd simply lost her way! The thing is, she did NOT care!

 I always believe it's important to share stories from everyday people just like you and me who overcome adversity and today can look back and say “Yay I made it!”

Brenda Davis

I'd been following Brenda on Face Book and couldn't help but to notice the very inspirational posts she'd often make. One of many of her updates stood out which led to this interview. I wanted to hear it directly from the person who experienced it. See many times we see celebrities speaking very candidly about their struggles and their broken pasts but for me, I'm just as interested in my next door neighbors struggle and how they overcame. What are some of the things they did that caused them to get out of their pace of stuck? For Brenda she says it was her kids who were her breaking point. She knew if she did NOT stop her self-destructive behavior, her kids just may have ended up in DFAC's system and scattered out through various group homes. See her exact words below from her Face Book Page:



"Cried tears of joy today...can’t believe how my God has brought me so far...I give all praise and honor to him...without him it wouldn't be done...life has taken me through so many ups and downs but yet I managed to come through...I've been down a long road. As I look back and see myself I cry tears because I didn’t know my own strength...I was so bitter and broken I was lost...I didn’t have guidance. But I found my way with the help of God...I'm almost to my mark of success...I'm just a living testimony to young women who almost gave up...don’t give up your breakthrough is about to come"



Brenda and I holding a copy of my book http://www.amazon.com/And-You-Wanna-See-Feet/dp/1497408423 .



So what was it about this young lady that allowed her to transform into this beautiful, self-aware mother of three and child of God?  Because everybody doesn't turn out like this, everyone can't just turn their life around in such a dynamic way. Even with all she's gone through today at just 26 years old she's a first time homeowner, she has plans to get married in the near future with her longtime fiancé and male role model to all three of her kids, she's got a full time job at a very well-known credible hospital and she has plans to write her first novel and become a mentor for young adults around the world. This is a woman who has her head on straight! When asked how she did all this with such a troubled up bringing she made it very clear:

"Ladies find your way. If you're lost and you're just out there in the world, nothing will ever change if you don't know your own value! If you're in an abusive relationship, get out now! There is nothing you can do to change someone who's mistreating you and instead of spending your time hoping he'll change, spend it working on yourself! "

Brenda with her family, two boys and one girl. One kid was away playing video games during this shot :)



Please watch the one on one interview with Brenda Davis below. There's a nice bonus at the end. Did I mention Brenda has a beautiful voice and she graces us with a few vocals from a song by James Fortune "Live Through it." One of the many reasons I was so wowed by her. The words to his song says it all. " Live through it, Grow through it, Get through it, You can make it if you just Pray through it!" 

 I want every one of you who took the time to read this post and watch my interview to know, if you're going through some tough times in your life and you're broken and you're bitter.... Don't let it consume you because it could destroy your future and if you have kids, it could destroy theirs too. Not to mention it could cause you to become socially awkward and lack the ability to connect with everyday people on a personable level because you're too busy thinking about how many people have hurt you. I want everyone to know you too can go to that place where everybody knows your name and where many of them share the same pain, that pace is call "Planet Earth." Make sure you find a way to push through it and learn to love yourself again and always remember......You're NOT alone! Please stay tuned coming soon the complete interview with Brenda and her fiancé in my upcoming new episodes of "Power Couples Who Rock That are Not Celebrities!"
















Sunday, May 25, 2014

Find her, pursue her, date her, then marry her or GET LOST !



Credits iStockphoto.com




This post couldn’t be more clear and easy to understand. I was thinking the other day about why it seems to be so hard for men and women these days to come together and most importantly STAY together. Then it dawned on me.....Many men are not doing the work in the proper order. I know we all have work to do in order to find and keep true love but todays post is centered on how men can effectively find a mate and keep that mate based on what women look for.

I thought to myself how will a man know what's best for him in a woman if he doesn't even know what he's looking for or should be looking for? I mean I'm sure we all THINK we have an idea of what we want but I have come to the conclusion that watching Nicki Minaj swing her bottom on live TV and watching Beyoncé surf boarding is NOT an effective way to find long lasting love that fits YOUR lifestyle! See you guys should be looking for the ideal woman who fits your needs and is everything you've been looking for in a mate. I mean EVERYTHING! Not just the big but or boob job, I mean EVERYTHING! Now I'm not hating on Nicki or Beyonce' because I admire them both for different reasons and they have their own relationships Beyonce' has Jay-Z and Nicki has a man as well so they are doing their thing, but men, you aren't Jay-Z sorry! 

The questions you should be asking when seeking a lifelong mate.


Is she ambitious? Is she fun to be around? Does she answer your calls? Does she listen? How did you meet her? What are a few of her greatest qualities? What attracted you to her? What keeps you attracted to her? Is she family orientated? Have you met her family? What value does she bring to the relationship and to your life? Does she take care of herself? Is she confident? Does she smile? Is she patient? Does she understand you? Do you understand her?

These are just a few of the positive qualities about good women you should be looking for. This is a great way to know what you really want and should want in a mate. And notice, a big but was not among the choices. Not saying you shouldn't be pursuing that but it shouldn't be the ONLY quality in her you see.

So with all this being said, I have decided to break it down for you in four easy steps. This post is called  
"4 Ways to Find her, pursue her, date her, then marry her or GET LOST!" I named it that for a reason and I'm going to speak on this from a personal stand point real fast. I'M SINGLE AND NO I'M NOT LOOKING FOR BOOTY CALLS OR TEMPORARY HUNCH PARTNERS... I'M LOOKING FOR LONG LASTING LOVE AND IF YOU ARE NOT LOOKING FOR THE SAME THING THEN NO.... WE ARE NOT A MATCH! GET LOST...NEXT!! 



Okay so let me proceed with my four step method to finding true love in a woman.

                  Find Her


When you see a woman that you are interested in and the moment you meet her you start to see things in her that just stand out to the point where you want to know more about her.. This is the first step to "finding" her. You are looking for long term qualities not just temporary thrills in a potential mate. See this is where a lot of guys mess up. They go for the nasty, negative, diva minded boss chic’s with a huge chip on her shoulders who can't even hold an educated conversation without it involving how "Bossy" she is and how she gets what she wants when she wants it. Then they fall head over heels for her and the rest is many times downhill from there because the moment she sees she CAN'T get constant money , or a pair of red bottoms or any and everything her small materialistic diva mind demands then it's on to the next one for her. And you....Well you're left standing there broke and broken down because you went for the wrong type of woman who you KNEW you weren't a match for.  But you wanted her because she's so freaken HOT and she resembled some video vixen off TV! FOOL!

One of the many problems with this way of thinking is, many of you men are looking for perfection when you yourself don't even have it. You want a dime but you aren’t even a nickel! I'm just saying! 

Now that you get my point, it’s time for you to pursue a more humble, positive, selfless woman of God who happens to be looking for the same thing you are... a commitment. And she's pretty and nice too.  Once you find this sweet nice classy lady, then it's time to get her attention with pursuit!



           Pursue Her


So now that you found her, what are your next steps? What are you going to do to get her? Have you called her today to see how she is doing and to get to know more about who she is? NOT TEXT I said CALL! See this is another big mistake men make. Texting is for people who have already established some sort of personal connection or if someone has asked you to text them your info or something. Texting is NOT how you show a woman you are interested. We want to feel wanted not like we're just something for you to do to pass time! We want to know you're interested and when you call and actually take the time to TALK to us we can see a little bit more into your intentions. 

Pursuit means an effort to secure or obtain and what this means is, if you want her you better show her and do all possible to get and keep her attention. We want to feel secure and safe with a potential mate. We want to know that he found us and he's not just stopping there, but he wants us! Now he's showing us how much he wants us though his actions of pursuit! Do you remember that movie that actor Will Smith played in called "The Pursuit of Happiness?" A true story about Chris Gardner’s one year struggle with homelessness and being a single parent trying to find happiness in his life. He never quit no matter what failures he was faced with. No matter how many obstacles came his way and even sleeping in bathrooms he never stopped pursuing his happiness. THIS is what I mean by pursue her. You must stop at nothing to get her. That's only if you know you're ready for her. So how do you show her this? Well Dating helps. 



         Date Her 


Do you really know what dating means? Men seem to think dating means the same thing as being in a committed relationship. They run or many are too cheap to spend a few dollars on showing someone they claim they are interested in a nice, romantic evening. Yet they will go dish out $100 bucks at strip joint to make it rain on some random naked chic who doesn't even know he's there and is just taking his money. Fools! You want a good woman who is exclusive to you well guess what? Dating is part of the investment. I can't begin to count the amount of men who I have personally heard tell me "I don't want to spend money on a woman I may not even want!" Huh?? Then why are you there? Go sit at home and grab a Playboy magazine and get busy because in today’s world, you better be ready to go out on not just one date but a few dates if you plan to be taken seriously! It's all a part of the plan to "marry her" right? Keep in mind when you're looking for true love and you know you are ready to pursue marriage you're going to be spending tons of money once you become a married couple so why not practice with dating? I you're too cheap to date then you aren’t ready for marriage. Dating shows her you don’t mind the sacrifice all in the honor of making her feel special. HELLO? I think I'll say that again “Dating shows her you don't mind the sacrifice all in the honor of making her feel special." I don't know about you but when a man goes out of his way to make me feel special and I see it's consistent I know I'm heading in the right direction. So men if you want to make her your wife, then you've got to steal her heart. You can't do that complaining about the price of a box of popcorn on a movie date! Come on dude! 



           Marry Her


Okay so you found her, you pursued her, and you dated her and won her heart. Now you're ready to put a ring on it. Good job, you should be proud of yourself because this just doesn't happen in this order anymore. That's why the divorce rate is so high. There is no real pursuit anymore. People just marry for money, convenience, status or looks these days then the next thing you know. They are on the corner scorned holding up signs about how wrong they were done! So marriage has to be about more than just a ring on her finger and a big old lavish wedding. It has to be about love, friendship, trust, passion, dedication, patience, understanding, acceptance, spirituality and loyalty. Notice big buts or large breasts was not mentioned in this either because once again, you have to want more out of a female than just this. If she's marriage material and happens to have all that then great. So it's time to pick out the perfect ring for your bride to be and get ready to propose. This has to be done the right way. You need to see what she likes by taking her to a jewelry store one day and just putting it out there that you're trying to make sure you know what she likes so when the time comes you will have the perfect ring. Then don't mention it to her ever again until its proposal day! I'm sure she'll be blown away and wondering if you're going to propose soon or when it will be but let her wonder. You just get all the details of the perfect ring and prepare a special time to propose. You can't be the type of guy who doesn't plan on ebery marrying a woman who you've been with or years this is why you have to make sure she is the right one and she should be doing the same thing. This means no cheating, no chics on the side, no "friends with benefits" and no lies and back biting. Getting married is something you only want to do once so why not do it the right way by finding her, pursuing her dating her and then BAM....Marrying her!



           GET LOST

It's simple.....If you're a player looking to screw and don't want to be exclusive to just one woman. You look for looks and designer flashy diva-tudes instead of a genuine, pure good real woman then nobody has time for that. GET LOST! We're seeking something more substantial. 



Author Tinzley Bradford



Thursday, May 22, 2014

Why is Bring Back Our Girls So Important?

"On April 15th, 273 School girls were kidnapped from the Chibok Government Secondary School by Boko Haram Terrorists in Nigeria. 230 of them are still missing." http://bringbackourgirls.us/



Photo from http://bringbackourgirls.us/


Why it's important

It's important because it could be either one of our family members or it could be us. It's important because we'd hope someone would do the same for us if we were the ones in need. It's important because these girls have no voice right now but WE do!

I could only imagine  how it would feel to be sitting in my dorm room, laughing with my friends, socializing with my family and loved ones and being free one minute then the next minute being kidnapped and possibly forced into sex slavery. The feeling of helplessness that must be running through the heads of all these girls right now, especially the ones who weren't able to escape. The fear, the pain, and the loneliness they must feel is almost unbearable for me to even think about. Where will they go? What will they do? How can they survive through this? What's happening to them right now? Are they sleeping okay? Are they eating? What are they feeling? Will they ever be the same if they are released? 

Why I want to help

 I'm a writer and an author who blogs about relationships and dating based on experiences of my own, observations of other relationships and research. My mission is to empower women to avoid making decisions that may cause them to end up in bad unhealthy and unfulfilling relationships. I help singles make wiser choices when choosing their mates and inspire those who have been hurt, used, mis-treated and abused to not allow it to break them but to let go of their pain and work on improving their own quality of life. One of the key factors I've observed in women who often end up in bad relationships is many times determined by their childhood experiences. I have a daughter and I couldn't even begin to visualize her going through what these girls are going through.

I'm thinking about these girls future if they don't get rescued soon and even if they do the trauma they must be going through right at this moment. The violation they will feel and are probably feeling right now. The damage and feelings of brokeness that they will carry with them for the rest of their lives. I can't sit and not act! I know of the importance of a trauma free childhood filled with joy, love and peace. I know how one ounce of mis-treatment can forever scar many women especially when it happens at such a young age. 

What sick self-serving animals these people are who removed these girls from their place of peace, safety, love and comfort? How can anyone live with themselves knowing they behave like this? Why are they doing this to these girls? I want to help them so bad. I want to hug them and let them know that everything is going to be okay. I wish I could go find them and open up the doors and set them free! 

How You can help

I recently visited a website that was created to share up to date information about the status of these kidnapped girls as well as how we can get involved to help. On this site they gave suggested government officials who can be contacted to help possibly jail these evil terrorists and rescue these girls. I have included below links to people you can contact such as the President, Senators and Congressmen and ask them to take action to save these girls lives. I don’t know any of them and I have never been to Nigeria but I do know that they do not deserve to suffer like this. # Bring Back Our Girls!


There was also a letter template designed for you to type it out and mail it in. I have included the letter below. Please reach out today and find time to see what we can do to rescue these girls and free them from possible sex trafficking. Let's give them their future back. If we can do something as little as composing an email, or sending a tweet, let's make a difference. 

 #Bring Back Our Girls! They deserve their freedom and a chance at a loving life.

#Bring Back Our Girls! Just think about if this was your own family and what you would want done to help!

#Bring Back Our Girls! They are more than just pleasure to sick minded men.

#Bring Back Our Girls! They deserve to have families of their own someday and their pureness should not be violated.

#Bring Back Our Girls! They are future doctors, lawyers, ministers, motivational speakers, mothers and so much more.


If this was happening to us right now in the U.S. we would fight for our freedom. Let’s fight for these innocent girls freedom! Heavenly Father I pray for these girls safe release from bondage and their safe return home.

#BRING BACK OUR GIRLS!



Letter Template:

"Dear [name of leader],
Over 300 school girls were kidnapped from their dormitory by the terrorist group Boko Haram. These girls were studying for their exams and in the middle of the night armed men ripped them from their beds. Educated girls will save the world and now we must save them. The future of Nigeria depends on the rescue of all of these girls and the stabilization of the country.
Please rescue the girls who were kidnapped in Nigeria.
Sincerely,
[Your name]"

Government Officials

Thanks for stopping by:  Author Tinzley Bradford

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Is Your Spouse for You or Hating on You?

The last thing you or anyone needs is a spouse who DOESN'T support your dreams and who is secretly envious of your success. The question of the day is "How Can You Tell if Your Spouse is for you or Against You?"

I have observed a lot of couples where one of them may be super successful and the other one is well... not super successful. What happens many times is either they break up because the insecure one can't handle it and the super successful one is NOT willing to jeopardize their career and back down or the super successful one backs down from the spot light just to placate to the needs of an insecure jealous spouse! One thing I look for in a potential mate is someone who is just as excited about my accomplishments and dreams as I am and who support me more than "I" support myself! I figure why be with someone who is hating on you for having that go getter attitude and living your dreams? I mean we all have the same 24 hours and what one chooses to do with their time is up to them. If they knew they couldn't handle a strong successful person then wonder why they married them? No one should ever be made to feel they are wrong because they have become a success and in my opinion this should motivate the not so successful one to get up, get out and get something going for themselves so that THEY too can fulfill their destiny without feeling like they will always be in the successful one's shadow.

I had this guy tell me after he realized I was a writer, was working on a book and did frequent video vlogs, that he couldn't date me because I'd be too busy writing and posting and not to mention he doesn't want to be on TV.He also said I'd have to put that "hobby" to bed. Oh yes he called it a hobby! He just had this big vision as if he and I had established an exclusive relationship. I was like dude you and me are still in the dating process but what you just told me has sealed the deal.... I can't have a man who can't deal with the possibilities of where I'm headed! So I politely ended the romance and wrote a blog! LOL See I could already tell that this would become a huge problem for this guy should I had decided to move forward in this relationship and then I'd be asking myself "What the hell was I thinking?" Knowing he'd already told me he couldn't handle it but I still continued to date him? I'm holding my own self back doing that! So what are some of the signs that a non-supportive jealous spouse displays?

I have included a few below but I'm sure there are far more.

 1. They are constantly in competition with you. Instead of doing things together and including you they are always trying to outdo you then make wise cracks in regards to your current success status as if to blow themselves up and be-little you. Let the games begin!

 2. They are always afraid that you'll meet someone along your successful journey who may be more in tune with what you like and are more interesting than them. They have created this false accusation that you're cheating simply because of your success. Look out for this type!

 3. They feel inadequate and mention this often. Instead of working on their goals and dreams, they sit and act like you're wrong for achieving yours and being so much more successful than them.

 4. They can be very possessive mainly because of the jealousy. They don't want anyone else to have you but them. They don't even want you to spend time with your family and friends let alone co-workers and business partners.

 5. They want you to fail so that you can spend more time with them. They don't know HOW to work on themselves so they sit and stress out over everything you're doing that takes the attention away from them. 

6.The talk about you negatively with other people you both know and you have to hear about it through the “Grapevine.” That's not a good feeling.

 7. They are insecure with themselves.

 8. They always try to talk you out of your dreams and any business move you believe would better your career.

 My advice to you is do not allow anyone to break you down and keep you from living your dreams because they are too insecure to live theirs. If they can't handle your success then they need to create their own or get out of your way so you can live and enjoy your life. Tinzley B

Saturday, April 12, 2014

I Know You Have a Man But We Can Be Friends Right?

The word friend is defined in Websters dictionary as "A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations." Notice in the definition it starts with saying "a person whom one KNOWS?" So when you know someone typically for a long period of time, and there is a close bond between you and this person then this can be defined as a friend right? So can someone please tell me why is it that when some men approach some females showing interest in her and she advises him that she is already in a committed relationship, many guys respond saying.."Well can't we just be friends?" Ummmm NO!

 Reason being is the last time I checked, you can't appoint a friendship it just happens over time. So can you please stop saying you just want to be friends when you KNOW your mission is to do far more with her/ us? You're hoping that she will still get your number or give you hers so that you can try and spit some mac daddy skills on her and convince her that even though she's taken.... there's nothing wrong with going out to eat right? There's nothing wrong with going to a movie right? There's nothing wrong with laying in the same bed at night right? Oh there's nothing wrong with you grabbing her buttocks and squeezing her boobs rights? Yal are just friends? There's nothing wrong with her removing her skirt and you your pants right? I mean face it, you started out attracted to her and was your goal to only be friends when you first laid eyes on her or were you trying to possibly pursue her in hopes that it would turn into a lifelong relationship? Let me make this nice and clear. I HAVE ENOUGH FRIENDS ALREADY SO I DON"T NEED ANYMORE!

 I was at the gas station the other day and after I'd pumped my gas and was rapidly walking back to my car, this guy yelled "Hey pretty Lady where your man at?" Now usually I won't say this but even though I'm single and have no man I responded "I'm trying to get to him now!" Now in my head I'm thinking okay I've defused this situation, dude will see I'm not interested and he'll go on about his business. Well it didn't happen quite that way. He decided to approach me, stood at my car window hollering" Well can't we just be friends?" I responded, "Well don't you have to know each other to be friends?" I mean I don't know you!" He went on to say " Come on baby, give me your number. I'm not trying to mess things up between you and your man I just want to hang out sometimes. Don't you want a friend?" I said "No I actually already have enough friends and gave him the stare of doom! He walked away and headed back to the packed car of dudes he was hanging out with and do you know this man proceeded to yell "Come on baby just give me your number or take mine and call me once so I can at least feel you like me a little, he ended with... ugly men are in style now!" I felt sorry for him and drove off!

 I have to ask men this question and I want an honest answer. Why is it when a female tells you she's already in a relationship or has a boyfriend, many of you ask if you can just be friends? What does that really mean? Just be friends.... Do you mean the kind of guy who comes and changes your tire if you get a flat? Do you mean the kind of guy who helps you move heavy furniture when you're re-locating Do you mean the kind of guy who changes your oil for you so you won't have to spend a whole lot of money at Jiffy Lube? What's YOUR definition of "Let's just be friends?" Let me take a wild guess..... You want to screw? Did I nail it? Am I right? Get over it she's already taken! You know my views, if you run into a guy trying to be "friends" after he knows you already have a man, NEXT!!!! The truth of the matter is he just wants to hunch and screw and hunch and screw and hunch some more at his leisure. It's no such thing as THIS type of friend in reality, he could care less that you're already taken. he knows what he wants for the moment and he'll keep trying you until all your NO's turns into a couple of yes's. The next thing you know, you're cheating on your guy. Do yourself a favor ladies.....Don't "Just Be Friends" with any man who know KNOW has a hidden agenda! Tell em NEXT!! Tinzley B

OUT NOW: SELF-HELP DATING GUIDE FOR WOMEN



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