The Date Was Nice, But He's Been Married Four Times. OMG

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I am happy to announce, I finally met a gentleman, an old school man, a man who knows that chivalry is still alive!I went on an actual date, you know the kind where he asks you out and you accept and actually go out to a nice restaurant? You know the kind that doesn't have you digging in your wallet come time to pay? You know the real dates where chilling at the crib while he is slowly working his way down your blouse, does not happen because he's too busy being a gentleman?

Forgive me for being excited, it's just so rare these days to actually have a fellow want to date you.They either want to come see what's up with you at your crib, or want you to come see what's up with them at their crib, or they want you to go chill at a crib somewhere, oh that's too confusing. I prefer to date, not hang out at various cribs.

So now that this is the case,and things went well, and the conversation flowed pretty good, I got another issue. After a night of fine dinning, me and my date decided to sit in the car and talk, ya know get to know each other. (which is another great quality about him, he talks he actually talks, and not with his hands!) I began to ask a few questions like what happened with his ex wife? Like why things didn't work, and don't worry, he openly invited me to have this conversation, he felt it would be discussed eventually.

He went on to explain what happened, then he ended with," That's what happened with my first wife." Okayyyyyyy so just how many wives have you had? I asked. He said he had been married four times. Four Times!!!! I didn't know if I should feel for him or go and contact the missing persons unit. I mean where could all four women have gone? He's only 42 years old. Beyonce said if you like it then ya should have put a ring on IT ! Not all four of them!

So this naturally raises the question in my head, what's going on with this man? Is he that unreasonable? Or is he just that unlucky? I eventually asked him how he felt about being divorced so many times and he said he feels ashamed and really wanted things to work. I didn't even bother going into details about the other three, once he started to explain, my head started to hurt from information overload. I don't want to judge him because what if he is a nice person and it was just all four of them? Then again, how can all of them be the problem and I ain't trying to be number five. I watch enough Life Time Television for Women. It's a reason they made that station..Helloooo...

So, in your honest opinion, would you move forward or would you let this be your official red flag? Don't Date Him !!! I like him, but like is not a justifiable reason to date a possible psycho is it??

Tinzley Bradford

What Does He Mean He’s Not Looking for Anything??

I recently did something that I at one point vowed never to do again. I created a profile online for dating purposes. I mean it’s for networking too, but my intentions was to meet someone special, then we fall madly in love, and run off into the moonlight or sunset or wherever lovers run off to.

So I started getting all kind of hits on my page. Some people left personal notes in my in box, some just tried to IM me each time they would see that I’m online. I had those from New York, California, and North Carolina trying to get with me. Then I had those from Ghana and Nigeria wanting a shot at me. ( Can you say SPAM? ) I don’t respond to those too much and no one should, I mean why you in Ghana trying to get with me? Go find a Ghana woman.

Anyway, so I finally got a hit from someone who I noticed lived very close to me; he even left me a nice note. It said,” How are you 2nite sweetie?” I think I’m in love. So I responded and we began to interact for a minute. We noticed that we both seemed to be interested in each other so we exchanged numbers.
Well, we decided to meet each other in person and since his profile seemed personable and real, I agreed. I can honestly say the visit went nice. We were talking, laughing, feeling each other, and then I had the nerve to ask him what he is looking for. He then responded,” I’m really not looking for anything and if something happen, it just happens.”

I chose not to elaborate any further because by then I pretty much knew this would not be a guy I’d pursue any further. But he sent me a note. But he wanted to see me and I wanted to see him. But we were having fun. He even told me he likes my company and I’m fun to be around and that I'm sexy.Sexy? So what does he mean he’s not looking for anything? OMG

Oh he’s looking for something alright, just not a steady woman. Maybe a little bump and grind ya think? I am 38 years old, I want stability, yet I get stuck with guys trying to 'Give it to me!' I mean that's fun and all, but hello, I'm single and available, you don't want to pass me up. ( If I could only get men to see me the way I see myself.) Sheesh!!!

I would like to know what a guy means when he says that. And why does he bother leading people to believe there may be interest beyond the bedroom? I say bedroom because that’s clearly what he was looking for. No one is just not looking for anything, come on be real. Why join a dating site to not date? I don’t get it. Pisses me off!

Tinzley B

From Gang Violence, Drugs and Crime to Community Organizer, Ralph Hawthorne Tells His Story.

From gang violence, drugs, crime to community organizer, Ralph Hawthorne tells his story.I know this has nothing to do with my usual relationship blogs,but I located this interview I did with Community Activist Ralph Hawthorne and felt his story should continue to be heard and shared, especially during Black History Month. It leaves a great feeling of over coming inside you. This is a pretty old interview, it was done in December 2008, but I found it amazing how Hawthorne and his now wife, were able to recover from a life of self destruction,drugs, crime and gang violence; to a life of keeping others from self destructing. What a way to give back. I encourage you to watch this interview and really listen to the many challenges he was faced with while trying to find his way.  


 


Me interviewimg Community activist Ralph Hawthorne

tinzley the Internet Journalist | MySpace Video



Visit Ralph Hawthorne on My Space by clicking this post title.

Tinzley

Does Having An Opinion In A Relationship Make You Controlling??

                                                               Photo by Dreamstime.com

My sister called me up and shared some disturbing news with me. She advised me her boyfriend had recently broken up with her. The reason , he felt she was trying to 'change him.' I wondered hmmm that sounds very similar to a situation I was recently in, I was seeing a guy who always had negative comments to make about how horrible his life was. He spoke often about how no employer would give him a chance because of his criminal back ground. He often wore a wife beater, with all his tattoos exposed, these long baggy, ridiculous basketball shorts, and to top it off, flip flops and socks. OMG !!!


I explained to him that maybe if he would act, look and be the part, he wouldn't have such a hard time.If you take yourself seriously, then maybe other people will too. Then I suggested sites he could visit online for people with a criminal record such as
http://www.larcc.org/pamphlets/benefits_work/criminal_record_pamphlet.htm

http://www.wikihow.com/Get-a-Job-with-a-Criminal-Record

to name a few. I would tell him over and over again, there are ways to get what you want in this world and there is information for days with ways this can be accomplished all over the internet. I also had a very strong view of loyalty that this guy could not seem to understand my stance on that. I felt that if you say you like a person, you should make sure that you do more than text occasionally and please call if you say you're going to call.



Well I knew at times things may happen and you can't always call, but when it's an ongoing issue then something is very wrong. I mean, I want to know that the man I'm dating really cares about me and shows me by at least keeping his word and making me feel special. So I would confront him with it. What do I get? Him thinking I'm trying to control him and trying to change him because that's just who he is and blah blah blah blah!



My mission was never to control him, I was just expressing my feelings and helping him know how to love me and show me. I thought these things were important and that communication was key. So why was this such a huge problem for him? Needless to say, we broke up because of this. So I have to ask, why is it when as a woman you share your thoughts on something and it gets all twisted, then you're left hanging? I mean I'm happy it's over because I deserve to be with someone who listens to me and me to him without always bickering about it, just like my lovely sister deserves the same. But what’s a woman to do? Just sit in complete silence and deal with what may be bothering her?


So when is sharing controlling? Can some descent fellow tell me?

Tinzley Bradford

Why Do Men Have to Get Sex So Quick?

Minister C Chandon Carter, made this post on his wall today on Face Book:

"Welcome back to "SINLESS SATURDAY" todays message: Ladies if you are chasing up behind these men, STOP! because most of us men only want one thing, and when they get it... it's on to the next one! A womans Heart should be hidden in GOD, that a man must seek GOD to find YOU! Treat your Body & Soul like a Rolls Royce... ......We always see Toyota Commericals! Grace2u!"

I really appreciate his honesty and his ability to let  ladies know we should weed out all the bull crap and cherish our bodies. My question however is, why are men always known to us as being after only one thing? Why are they always just after one thing then on to the next one? Do they not cherish their bodies? Do they feel its okay to do things like that and just move on as if nothing happened? I'm so glad I don't engage in sex fast lately and my reason is because I just don't trust men easily anymore. It's hard to let someone in, when you're not even sure why he's truly there. I have lost many guys because I refuse to have sex with them no matter how much they try to smooth talk their way into my bed.

Do men have compassion and do they know how to love? Do they have a heart and do they know how to feel? While I do agree with Minister Carter, I still don't get it. I don't know why women have to always do the protecting and the looking out for dirty dogs. Can someone tell me honestly without getting defensive why most men have this hit and run mentality? Do they ever really want just one woman?

Tinzley Bradford

Single on Valentines Day? Make Yourself a Cake..

Today was sweet, although I didn't have a valentine; I got a lot of very sweet text messages from my friends and some old guys I've dated. That was thoughtful. My daughter and I made this really good strawberry cream cheese valentines cake with whip cream, and it was delicious. That was very fun spending time together and making a cake together. I tell you, being with family is priceless.

I have a lot of mixed emotions about being single. Most days are good, then I get surrounded by people who are in relationships constantly talking about it, and it can get me a little down at times. I mean, who doesn't want to have that special person in their lives?

This guy had the nerve to text me today as if nothing bad had happened between us in the past. He is someone who I recently met, but never got a chance to connect with. The moment we finally began to talk, I got offended when I asked him what he was up to and his response was, "I want to lick your fat ###, but I'm playing". I was so offended til I just hung up the phone after I cursed him out. Anyway, because he disrespected me, I'd erased him from my contacts list in my cell phone. So when he texted, I didn't know who he was. Needless to say, once he told me his name, then I knew and immediately got turned off again.

Why did this fool turn around and send me a picture in my phone as if I cared? He then had the nerve to ask me to send a picture and lock his number in since I told him he was no longer locked in. I mean, is he stupid or something, does he think he can just order me around or something? I told him I'm turned off and had to remind him a second time what happened. He claimed he didn't remember saying that to me. How can people be so insensitive and self adsorbed? This type stuff makes me really wonder if I will ever be in love again. Many people find it hard to believe that I haven't gotten married or that I am still single. But what they don't see is this crap men take me through, I'm not at anyone’s disposal and will not be treated that way. The sad part is, there are some women who would have just sent him the picture and locked him back into their phones. I'm certain this is why he thought he could try me.


I'd like to know how your valentine’s day went for all who wish to share please do so. Also, please single ladies, just know that you are beautiful and don't feel bad being single. There is so much to learn and every day we all strive to be better people, which will eventually lead us down the right path to true happiness, and who knows; maybe even true love.And no you don't have to settle for jerks like this one all in the sake of 'having someone' Have a wonderful evening. Boy was this cake good !!!

If you're interested in seeing if the guy you're dating may have some unfinished business elsewhere, or maybe a shady past, please click this blog post and visit http://dontdatehimgirl.com/home/ This site allows you to put a persons name into a search and wait to see if other women who dated him, may have posted a warning or something about him. It's no true way of knowing because many guys use a different name, or many women just don't worry about posting or even know that they can. Needless to say, check him out first!



Tinzley Bradford

Valentines Weekend, Got a Mani and a Pedi....Not much else

Well it's Valentines weekend and what did I do? I went and got a manicure and a pedicure, the usual stuff for us single ladies.I took my good friend Larry's advice, he said go pamper yourself even though you're single. He's a good guy. It's a good boost, the pedi and mani and at least keeps me feeling vibrant, sexy, and young. No I don't have a valentine, again. My timing is horrible, but efficient. I can't help if I find out they are a moron and break things off just before V day. Makes me want to look at " Don't date him girl.com " before I even consider getting to know them. I added that link above, just click on the title.

At least my good friend Terrance came by to see me, He says he just adores me, but I think he felt sorry for me for not having a valentine again.

My toes are cute for all those toe and feet lovers out there. Question still remains, are your toes nice? This guy who is much younger than me insist that he really wants me. The thing is, he looks as if he could past for my teenage son, and that won't fly with me, plus he's short as all get out. Uggh !!! At least be the same height as me.

When I went to the grocery store today, I saw this guy straight cursing out his woman smack ding in the middle of Kroger. I mean he was calling her stupid and belittled her intelligence in front of everyone.
It seems the more people stopped to look, the louder he got.
I thought of a few things I could have said to his stupid self. Then he was ugly too. His lady just stood there looking like a child, I could tell he's probably abusive to her all the time. I thought to myself, I can do bad all by myself, confirmation that being single, ain't so bad after all. Have a good Valentines day!!



Tinzley Bradford