Are You Really Ready For a Relationship? Checkout the Self Question of the Day! “Would you date you?

Photo from www.emmagem.com I recently attended a singles ministry at my church. The discussion that night was, pointing out key things about yourself and asking yourself...."Would you date you?" The discussions were very real and for me they made me think and I actually walked out that night, a different person.I thought I'd pull a few key things that stood out from the self assessment that we were given and post a few blogs centered around a few of the questions we were asked. Now there were tons of questions on this self assessment , so I won't even bother trying to pile them all into one blog post. Instead I'll post weekly blogs with different questions about yourself to consider before you race into looking for Mr. Right or Ms. Right. Many of us believe we are ready to find that special someone and settle down. We see love all around us and it appears that everywhere we go, there are couples holding hands, sharing kisses, getting married,and starting families. We see this and say to ourselves, "I really wish I could have that." Right? Well it's quite alright and actually quite healthy to want true love and it's quite alright to want to be in a relationship, fall madly in love and maybe someday get married. Let me play devil's advocate bit here.....There are things you must first consider before you plan on committing to one person and take on the role of baring the responsibilities of what comes with being in a relationship, and yes there will be responsibilities and expectations once an exclusive commitment has been established. Take a nice long look at yourself. You know the term "Take a look in the mirror?" We we all need to look in the mirror from time to time and determine if we see ourselves as someone who is date-able and 100% ready or a relationship. Question of the day: How do you treat the people you have in your life today? This includes your family and close friends. Are you available for them and open and understanding to their needs? Or are you stand offish and never making eye contact to the point where they don't feel comfortable coming to you? Are you critical or forgiving? Are you patient kind and loving? Or do you storm out of rooms yell and get an attitude when things are said or done that you don't particularly care for? Do you listen to them and offer support for anything they maybe going through? Or do you cut them off and never really hear what they are trying to say all because you want to get your point across? Are you non-judgmental and accepting of their flaws? Are you excited for their accomplishments and never hesitate to express that excitement or are you secretly envious? Are you and your family on speaking terms? I ask these very important questions because these things are KEY to having a successful committed relationship. You must consider that the person you're bringing into your life will eventually meet your family and while I know none of us are perfect, a dysfunctional family is never a good thing. Your new love does not deserve the baggage and drama that often comes with a family who have not healed passed wounds. Chances are, he or she will become the brunt of all the past issues you and your family have yet to resolve and is that really fair? Dating and relationship building takes work but in my opinion, it should be a fun and exciting experience...not a stressful one! Too many times we treat those in our lives horrible yet we think we're ready for a relationship? News Flash.....The way you treat the people in your life today is more than likely the way you will treat the person you're trying to have a relationship with. If you can't grow and learn how to do things differently that won't leave friction and sadness in your loved ones lives then NO you're not ready or relationship. I suggest you take the time to work on improving the current relationships with your family and close friends before you run off trying to create this new life with a significant other.Now I'm not saying don't date, but what I am saying is keep it real with yourself and your new love. The truth of the matter is, you won't be able to run forever and one day I'm certain you will want to be able to introduce your newly found love to your family and close friends. How can this be done successfully if you have a broken relationship with your family? Stop hiding the truth about you and how you feel and what's really going on in your live and own it so that you can be ready and available for true love to come into your life. So once again I ask, "Would You Date You?" Stop by for more post coming in the near future. Thanks Tinzley

Guest Post....How To Start Dating Again

For many dating doesn't seem that complicated but for some, jumping back into the dating world can be quite a challenge as well as very intimidating. When Sarah Fanning reached out to me to offer her tips on how to get back into dating again, I kindly accepted as this is something that many struggle with. How does one start re-learning someone all over again and pray that it's not just a waste of time? Please take a look at today's guest post from the lovely Sarah Fanning of LoveStruck a UK online dating site. If you’re lucky enough to have never been through a difficult break up, then you don’t need to read any further. You’re either incredibly fortunate or naturally good at the dating game and you don’t need my advice (though I may need some from you!) Most of us aren’t so lucky. Coming through the other side of a messy split is a herculean task in itself and you wouldn’t be wrong to feel as if you’ve already climbed the mountain. But, something that I only found out not so long ago, learning how to start dating again is both daunting and difficult. It seems strange to say “learning” because most of us will already have been through the experience and succeeded in finding who we thought was the one. But it is a strange experience; if you’ve been through it then you’ll know what I’m talking about. You often feel like the naïve and vulnerable teen that most of us were. If you’ve been so close to somebody for a long time, it’s often hard to judge how to react around those that we’re attracted to but not close to. Stealing a kiss, cuddling up to our partner and resting our hand on theirs has become second nature and you’ll often feel the urge to act in the same way with your date. Your mind seems to forget that you’re single. Don’t date before you’re ready. If you were to see a photo of you and your ex, would it bring happy memories or sadness and longing? Happiness is great, sadness is not and longing is only okay if it’s for the experience and not the person. Take any example of interaction with your ex. Does your stomach turn if you see them in the street or their name on your phone, can you talk about them without getting angry or upset? Can you read this without those emotions surfacing? It’s likely that you will never be truly immune to the influence of somebody that you once loved, but you need to recognize the point at which you’ve moved past their immediate power. Think outside the (your) box. We all have a ‘type’ who we’ve dated in the past or we’d love to date. But when you stop to think about it, relationships with ‘your type’ have only ever resulted in a break-up and if your type is an unfulfilled desire, there’s probably a reason why. Maybe our types are exactly who we should be avoiding. Treat this fresh start in dating as a fresh start in life. Let your heart run free and if you click with somebody you wouldn’t expect or you find them attractive in an unconventional way; don’t question it! Try your luck, you’re probably due some! Dip your feet in the pool. For many of us, indulging in blind dates or one-on-ones set up by friends will be a step too far, too soon. Put yourself back in the public eye, go out with friends, and try singles bars. You want to ease yourself in slowly, so start with socializing as a single lady. You don’t have to advertise that you’re single; just get yourself into the mind frame. Fulfill your fantasies. Your last relationship didn’t work out, for whatever reason, but no doubt you wanted to do things or go places that your partner didn’t. You’re single now and you need to remind yourself that that means freedom. This can be hard to get used to but once it clicks, you’ll feel exhilarated! The world is your oyster. Sarah currently works for Lovestruck, a UK online dating website. She believes that love is an important part of life and, through her writing, offers her knowledge and expertise to give a little guidance to help those trying to finding it. For more of Sarah’s work, you can visit Lovestruck’s web site to obtain more of her dating tips.

Hello Everyone....I have a new Website so please visit me at tinzley-b.com

Shared my insight live on the Dr. Drew show on CNN/HLN. "How challenging is dating as a single mom?" I couldn't get the entire segment clip, but enjoy the short one's below. I think it's important to keep in mind what message you're sending when you look at a child as a burden instead of a chance for YOU to add something positive to their lives! Thanks!

Women Who Don't Appreciate The Good Men in Their Lives and the Impact it Has!

This video is dedicated to all the single women out there who are loving, caring, loyal and appreciative. To the ladies who would do just about anything to feel the warm touch, the soft kiss, the embrace at night of a good man. Unfortunately, there are females who have good men, but they don't know how to appreciate them.



Thanks for watching! Please share!

Tinzley

Check Please!!!! Knowing when it's time to end the madness!

photo by cameliassecrets.blogspot.com

How can you tell when it's time to say " Check Please." We all know what it means to be completely done with your meal or beverage when dining out, so when we're finished we usually ask for the check.  This mean it's over, no more, you've had enough to eat, you're done and it's time to go! In this post I share a few signs that indicate its time to end or be done with that date or relationship, or even conversation in the same fashion by telling that knuckle head "check please!"  Too many times we sit and over stuff ourselves with complete nonsense instead of just removing ourselves from the situation/ the table and the sad part is, we don't even have to. Now I'm a very animated chic so yes this post will be long and drawn out but there is a message in the end so keep reading. I usually always have a story to tell, that's why I blog. So I felt ending a dinner and a relationship can in many ways be very similar. When you get too full of the crap, you say Check Please!! and be gone!

I recently met this guy and the conversation jumped off pretty well in the beginning so it seemed. I mean we were very similar with our life journeys, where we'd been and where we were headed. I will say I began to notice some what of a conceited mentality about him, which based on what he'd already shared with me he really had no room to be a jerk, but I was starting to see those type signs in him. Prime example, he was from a different state and when we first spoke he went on to say "Ga. women have nothing going for themselves, no cars, jobs, no money no business and they try to act like they are all that!" Hello??? I'm a Ga woman and you're a rude Moran is what I was thinking. I mean how dare he insult Ga women as if I wasn't there. I'd been working on not passing judgement on the men I meet so fast so even though I detected this behavior, I didn't knock him just yet, but this stayed in the back of my head. I figured if he already has his mind set that this is how he views Ga women, then why should I waist my time?  So he stated one evening that he wants to "see me." No he didn't say he would like to go on a date or take me out someone and get to know more about me, he says he just wants to "see me!" Now this particular night I was hanging with my friends which means, well I wasn't available which tends to happen when you have a life. He then asked for a photo of me to be sent to him. Now this guy already knows what I look like and we hadn't really had that good old real bonding period on the phone yet, so to me he wasn't worthy to start receiving phone photos of me.

I don't know why but that's just one of my pet peeves with men, why do they always want a photo of us so fast when we just met! Can I have a chance to know more about you and be led to want to send you a picture on my own instead of you demanding one. And yes he did get pretty demanding and his tone was that of one who felt obligated as if he had a right to receive a photo of me. So I bit the bullet and said well what's a fully clothed photo of my smiling face going to hurt? Plus he did say he wanted to " see me " so what better way to see me than through a picture  and then I pressed send. See I was trying to be submissive! Grrrrrrrrr.........

Did I ask for a photo of him?  No, because women just don't do that, not all of us anyway but who knows maybe he was so amazed by my beauty he wanted to share it with all his buddies. Yeah that's what it probably was right??  So after that evening, we never really spoke again. I mean he just hadn't wooooed me and frankly  I wasn't really that interested in him but would have kindly tried to give him a chance had he shown he wanted this bad enough. I mean he did say he was willing to wait and it was no rush we can always see each other another time. So at least two weeks had gone by and we hadn't talked or text-ed, I personally was okay with that then out of no where I get this non-personable text that said "hey." I responded with hello there and he went on to verbally attack me and said he tried to see me but I declined , and the ball was in my court and I haven't called and he has no problem deleting my info from his phone cause he ain't pressed , he said Im not all that and blah blah blah blah! My response: Ahhhh  "Check Please!"

Now keep in mind this guy made the first move, he showed the interest in me and that was how we met. I mean I'm not saying that I don't have to make any contribution to get to know him too, because clearly if I plan to make it work I do, but what I am saying is if he wants the job, he needs to fill out the application completely! You can't turn in an incomplete application and expect to land the job!! Bam! Now you know that was the statement of the day I think I'll say that again, I said, You can't turn in an incomplete application and expect to land the job!!" And Sure you have my permission to use it!! Lol

See this was a perfect example of when it's time to say "Check Please!" I just don't have time to be battling with a dude because if he's as interested as he claimed to be than even though I wasn't able to see him that one lousy time he'd asked, doesn't mean he couldn't have tried at a later date. I mean he did say we'd try later and the last thing I need is a man who gives up so quick and tries to blame me for his lack of ability to connect with me on a level that may have gained and kept my interest. Women you're worth more than this and if he doesn't want to put forth the effort then keep it moving. I understand there are reasons people act like they do so Im not saying just cut every guy you meet off, but therapy is something he'll need to get himself if there are issues he has to iron out but not at the expense of your well being!

These are the early stages of mind control from a man, he wants to do the bare minimum and place the blame on you and you'd better give in! He kept saying he's not familiar with Ga and was still trying to adjust so he doesn't know where stuff is and blah blah blah blah! What does that have to do with bonding and getting to know me?? What did he really really really do to try to make this thing grow? NOTHING! The moral of this story is, if there is no interest being shown, why stick around?


I want us single ladies to make smart choices when choosing the very best guy to date and that starts with having awareness of who we are and awareness of who he seems to be too. Trust me there are always early signs no matter how small you must notice them. So I have listed a few tell tale indications to look for in the men you're dating or just simply trying to get to know that let's you know it may be time to say "Check Please!" And be gone!!!

• You've been talking for a few weeks and be hasn't even asked you on a date, yet has asked you to come to his place to just chill....  Check Please!
• He's not working just because and has no real reason as to why, no illness, no sudden job loss, then he tries to convince you " Well I'm just chilling right now, ya know what I'm saying?" ...... Check Please!
• He asked you out on a date then stands you up and tries to come a few days later with a lame excuse. If he's not dead, ....Ahhhhh Check Please! 
• If he randomly sends you an unsolicited photo of his junk, this is disrespect at it's finest...Check Please!!!!
• If he has kids and doesn't take care of them, there is simply no excuse........ Check please! 
• If he's done time in prison and seems to still be going down the path of crime despite being out now and clearly being given a second chance at life...... Check Please! 
• If he says he dates both men and women, no time to be exploring this fetish..... Check Please! 
• If he doesn't want to use a condom during intimacy especially if you're not exclusive, which I'd hope you're not just casually having sex but either way.....no condom, no cookies....Check Please! 
• If his but is bigger than yours and wider.....Check Please! ( Optional, you may like em big,) 
• If his reason for not having a car is because since his car wreck some years ago, he didn't plan on dating women he'd have to do things like drive for... Ahhhhh  Check Please!!!  (True Story btw ) 

Ladies whether you're hoping to find true love or simply dating and making new friends, what ever you do, please don't ever just settle. People seem to think dating or courting is not necessary, they feel you should just skip the dating part and just cut to the chase, but I say dating is healthy that's if you can ever get him to take you out on one and getting to know different people is an awesome way to see just who's a possible keeper and who gets the check!!!!! Remember, when in doubt just say CHECK PLEASE!!!!

Thanks for stopping by make sure you subscribe as I'm constantly trying to get this message out to all the single ladies and people who are dating in general. Have a good day! 

Tinzley B

Are you constantly looking for a man to make you whole??

Are you constantly looking for a man to make you whole? Even if he's not really looking for you? You're diligently seeking him to seek you in order to feel important or needed. If so this may be the sign of low self esteem and the need to feel validated by a man. He doesn't really call much, you have never gone on a date, and he talks about what he would like to do to you and never what he would like to do for you. But for some reason, you feel you need him and he somehow completes you. This is usually because he's a man showing you some form of attention, good or bad which is what makes you feel whole. Not feeling valued in a relationship can many times cause one to make poor decisions when choosing a mate. We will base our happiness, success, and ability to feel confident solely on whether a man shows us he wants us. We don't feel normal unless we have a man and many times we will settle for mediocre behavior from a man just to have one in our lives. Remember, to love oneself is the beginning of a life long romance! ( Oscar Wilde )

Take away:  Women you have to believe this, if a man really wants to be with you, things WON'T be that complicated because he'll show show you he wants you; and this does include calling and dating. This guy you're all into is clearly Mr. Unavailable. He always has this excuse as to why he does the things he does and many times he'll flip it to make you look as if you're over reacting simply because you want more out of him and this so called relationship than he's willing to give. He never wants to talk things over or hear what you have to say. Why do you think that is? For some reason, you just keep things bottled up to avoid confrontation and to keep him from getting mad and possibly wanting to leave. Because if he leaves, then you want have anyone right? Then you won't be "whole" right? You may need to ask yourself if you really have anyone now.

Communication is a must in any successful relationship and if you lack it, there will continue to be issues like this. So, I must ask;  how is this making you whole? It isn't!!

Tinzley