Sunday, October 18, 2015

NOT AGAIN!! What's Your Not Again While #Dating?

I won a raffle the other day at the 2015 P.U.R.S.E.F.O.U.N.D.A.T.I.O.N Bags of Love Domestic Violence awareness charity event. This is a yearly event where organizer and C.E.O. Erika Lee raises awareness to this very disturbing yet common issue Domestic Violence. 

Along with my gift I won which was some yummy sweet treats from one of her amazing vendors, there was this gigantic purple eraser attached to the box. The eraser had just two words embedded on it and it read, “NOT AGAIN!" Not again I was thinking to myself as I was in my car driving. Believe it or not, as simple as those two words are for me they are very powerful!! NOT AGAIN! How many times have we found ourselves in a similar situation where we should be saying to ourselves this very thing? Oh No NOT AGAIN!!

Many times we may notice some clear behavioral signs in the person we are dating at the time that reminds us of a past relationship that wasn't so healthy for us, wouldn't you agree? We see it and say to ourselves, oh no not this behavior again but what else do we do many times? We hang around anyway don't we? 

Did you know that domestic violence is not only physical it's emotional as well? What this means is verbal abuse can be just as bad as physical because we all have heard this before many times "Words Hurt" right? I started this blog back in 2008 and my goal was and is to continue to influence women to know the signs of a bad relationship and refuse to settle for it! I also encourage men to read my posts so they can know how many of us think! 

It's all about living a #SettleFree lifestyle where no one’s words or physical actions will cause you any more pain, hurt or despair. "NOT AGAN!" 
To some my approach may come across as hard core or no non-sense and it is because in today’s world, you have to be a tough cookie to make it through some of life’s very challenging situations and relationships are definitely a challenge. If you don't pay attention, you WILL and CAN be easily broken hence settling for any old mistreatment from your dating mate AGAIN!

I will always continue to influence the very things that caused me to start this blog and write my book The Settle-Free Dating Method Click here to order I do not care how fine he is, what kind of car he drives, how fly his house is and how much money he spends on me if I'm being mistreated and disrespected or abused both verbally and physically then NEXT!! I know for some it's tough because we all just want to be loved and accepted and trust me I get that part. Sometimes he treats you pretty good right? You can just overlook him slapping you so hard that you nearly fall over. You can just overlook him calling you names and being condescending to your character as long as he comes home with the latest handbag right? It's okay that he is very aware of his actions yet he's NOT seeking any help right? NOT AGAIN!

Let's not forget those jokers who look like they just escaped from prison walking around unkept and disheveled. 

I also get the fact that some guys are just as lost and unaware of how there are supposed to treat a lady so they revert to abuse or verbal attacks and I get that too, however at the end of the day, it's not for you to be used as his trial chic while he's going through his emotional rollercoaster I suggest you get off at the next stop. How many times are you going to just allow the bad behavior again and again and again?? So I'd like to ask you this, what’s Your "NOT AGAIN?"

I'll tell you a story on where my not again started if you have time to read it. It's about how easy it is to become that girl. I can remember many years ago I was about 18 years old. I was so in love with this guy I mean madly in love with him. I have not been able to duplicate that type of love ever sense I swear! He was everything to me and I gave him the world! I saw potential in him even though he was a true thug, I mean for real. I think the fact that I could get a hardcore thug like this guy to settle down, to be home waiting on my call, to want to spend time with me, to pay attention to me, to tell all his homeboys about me was like a huge feeling of belonging for me. Weeks after we met his mom had a massive heart attack and died. I'd just met her only one time and I can remember her saying to me “I love your shirt." I was supposed to get her one like it but she passed before I was able to give it to her.  Anyway this guy and I got even closer and part of me still wonders if it was timing, because of my natural nurturing type of demeanor, he was attracted to me, or because I may have reminded him of his mom who he'd just lost? It could have also been that I was the very last woman she saw him with and who she appeared to like and respect. I'm not sure but fast forward a few years later and I found myself outside the apartment of this other girl he was cheating on me with front door looking like a complete fool crying trying to get him to see me like he used to. Trying to figure out what happened? Where did I go wrong? Trying to make him love me again. Just trying to get him back. I couldn't seem to understand how I'd been there for him through his jail time in and out, through him being broke pretty much all the time and not working, through him needing a place to live and me allowing him to move in with me, through all my love and most importantly my loyalty. 

That was the most painful time for me because even though he chose to play the field and date both of us, every time he'd come around I'd take him back and hoped he'd stay. It was never the same but for some reason I was okay as long as he came home at night or called and said he loved me, I was okay. I can remember looking around one day and saying to myself I'm ready to go home! I remember when this same young lady came to my front door step and asked me if I'd seen him and told me I was just a pair of used jeans.  He was playing both me and this other girl and I'd had enough! From that point on and as much as it hurt I vowed to never allow that to happen to me again and I left. That was my not again!

Today I want you to look at your situation and ask yourself are you settling again? Are you allowing negative people back into your life to hurt you again? Are you in an abusive relationship again? Are you dealing with unsupportive friends again? Are you putting off that thing you've been most passionate about your hold life and never started to work on again? Say it with me: 

  • I will no longer fall for the wrong guy NOT AGAIN!
  • I will no longer overlook clear red flags NOT AGAIN!
  • I will not allow negative behavior to take my positive joy NOT AGAIN!
  • I will not sit here another day without at least starting on my dreams NOT AGAIN!
  • I will not be jealous of other people’s accomplishments NOT AGAIN!
  • I will not tear myself down wishing I had more and belittling myself NOT AGAIN!
  • I will not live a shoulda coulda woulda life wishing I'd done things different NOT AGAIN!
  • If he hits me I will not stay NOT AGAIN!
  • If he verbally abuses me I will not stay NOT AGAIN!
  • If he's using me for money I will not allow it NOT AGAIN!
  • If he's only wanting me for sex I will not allow it NOT AGAIN!
  • If he says don't use protection I will get the heck on and not allow it NOT AGAIN!
  • If he's disrespectful and not supportive I will leave and not return NOT AGAIN! 
  • If he's not trying to be in an exclusive relationship with just me I will not allow it NOT AGAIN!
Today is your time to say to yourself NOT AGAIN! NOT AGAIN! NOT AGAIN!

Take a look at this video I recorded a while back. It's fourteen minutes of real talk. 
Thanks for stopping by and have a wonderful day! If you need coaching on how to make wiser and smarter dating choices I'm offering sessions. Just fill out the sign up form to your right and once I get the email, we can begin. 

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Wondering If You Should Date Your Ex-boyfriend? Find Out Here!

I always enjoy chatting with Suzanne Oshima Matchmaker, Dating Coach, Author and Founder of @SingleStilettos it’s always nice to see how she views a topic in comparison to how I view it and todays topic is one that I'm sure many people question all the time. This topic never get's old...."Should I Date My Ex Again?"

In our most recent discussion on this topic, I share my tips on whether or not you should date your ex and what to consider if you are contemplating giving them another shot. 

There are many things to consider before going what I call "backwards." Such as
  • Why did you break up in the first place?
  • Are you truly healed from past issues that led to the break up?
  • Why do you want to date your ex again? Are you just lonely?
  • Was there abuse or drug usage that led to the break up? Are you ready to deal with that?
  • Did he cheat on you? 
Take a look at today’s video discussion and make sure if you're considering dating your ex you factor all these important steps into your decision. 
See for me I'm all about living a settle free dating life and making sure I don't re-create past drama that led me to be unhappy to begin with. I mean face it...We all sometimes wonder "What if he was the one?" And it’s okay to find out by possibly giving him another chance however there are pros and cons and if the cons out way the pros NEXT!!! You deserve the very best and there is a reason he's called your ex. Maybe he's just not the one for you. You should not go through life chasing someone who clearly doesn't know your worth.

 Enjoy the video and please leave your comments, I'd love to hear from you. 

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Cool interview about SettleFree dating/relationships with TV host Autumn Simmons on Talk Fuzion TV! #

Hi everyone, I hope you are living a settlefree life and just enjoying every minute of loving yourself and refusing to settle for less than you deserve! Enjoying time with yourself, learning more about who you are and what it is you really want for yourself. I had the opportunity to be invited for an online discussion on Talk Fusion TV with the lovely Host Autumn Simmons. She streamed me live here in the lovely Atlanta GA all the way from Philadelphia, PA.

Take a moment to look at our interview and I hope you enjoy it. I'm all about that settlefree life! It's so much easier when you simply eliminate the CRAP from your dating and relationship world and live the fun, loving , healthty life you were created to live! I don't know about many of you but I'm tired of all the bad excuses and bad behavior that seems to come with dating these days and my time is too valuable to waste it on foolery! It's time to wake up and STOP SETTLING!!

My question of the day is Would you sign a commitment contract, or do you prefer marraige? This is one of the topics discussed on the video. Enjoy!

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Short Film "And You Wanna See My Feet?" Produced By Tinzley Bradford #SettleFree Dating

Yay I produced my first short film! I'm super excited to share it with you and I hope you love it as much as I loved making it. I had the best time with the actors and the team over at Red Frog Studios creating this film. In this movie I give different scenarios of poor dating choices that women are many times faced with and many times settle for. The lovely actress in this film Lana Morris does a phenomenal job in portraying a no non-sense young lady who in the early stages of these different dating possibilities, she's like NEXT!!! This is the way that it should be when dating but the thing's not always that way! In an attempt to have a man, many women will just settle and things can many times go down hill from there. From putting your dreams on hold, to ending up in an abusive relationship! 

I'd love your feedback and your point of views on this subject matter. What does SettleFree Mean to you? Enjoy this film! 

All actors and participants are mentioned in the credits at the end of this trailer. Enjoy!

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Dear Future Get Over It!!

Dear #Future GET OVER IT!! I don't know the entire back story but all I can say is #Ciara is clearly moving on and so should you! If you were so concerned about the baby you would be very present in the cameras with him as #RussellWilson is. Who is stopping you from going to get him and spending daddy time with him? When Ciara was with you she was more than likely expected to play step mom to all four of your children by four different women btw.... Face it you had your chance and YOU blew it and she does NOT have to settle for that! Up here worrying about how it looks for another man to be in your sons life you weren't worried bout how it looked when you dipped! If Russell wants to be a positive role model to YOUR son I salute him for that! My father walked away from responsibility too so I have no mercy for you! Maybe you can use this as an opportunity to write a new song and call it Shoulda Coulda Woulda" Sucka!! #NEXT #SettleFree #Dating #Datingadvice #Love #Relationships #Datingtips #Babymama #Ciara #Future #RussellWilson #Singlemom #Single #Singlewomen #selflove #selfhelp #sellconfidence #babyFuture
A photo posted by Tinzley B (@tinzleyb) on


Related Posts with Thumbnails