Thursday, April 16, 2015

Why Men Just Disappear Interview with Suzanne Oshima Founder of Single In Stilettos.

Ladies was it going good then all of a sudden the guy you'd been dating just disappeared? I got a few reasons why. Take a look at this interview on the "Single In Stilettos Show" with Founder Suzanne Oshima! #Settlefree

I had a great time doing this show and Suzanne is a very smart, witty , knowledgable matchmaker and dating coach who after visiting her show, I too learned  tips about men that I had no knowledge of. Visit her here to check out her weekly show and get great match making tips!

Monday, April 6, 2015

How to Fight the Right Way

Whether you and your significant other have been together for months or for years (or somewhere in between), there’s one thing the two of you are bound to do at some point: disagree. Big or small, silly or serious, fights are just another aspect of any healthy relationship. After all, you and your partner are two separate people with two different ways of thinking. Fighting isn’t the reason couples call it quits; instead, it’s how we fight that’s critical. According to the Wall Street Journal, if you and your significant other argue well, as opposed to poorly, you may actually improve your relationship. So the next time you’re facing a lover’s spat, remember these tips to fighting the right way in mind.

Don’t Make Excuses

As appealing as it sometimes is to make up any excuse to avoid a disagreement, it’s not good for your relationship in the long run. As Woman’s Day notes, passing the blame isn’t fair to you or your partner. Sure, you may have had a bad day at work or a pounding headache that just won’t let up, but blaming those things for an argument isn’t going to solve the root of the issue.

Check Your Body Language

It’s not just what we say during a disagreement, but how we say it that can make a world of difference. According to YourTango, up to 85 percent of communication is non-verbal. Tone and body language send a stronger signal than you may realize and can relay your true emotions, even if you’re doing your best to keep them in check. To keep your partner from feeling attacked, and to make sure your thoughts are truly heard, it may be best to take a break from the conversation if you begin to feel like your anger is getting the best of you. Even if it takes a few minutes (or hours) until you’re calm, coming back to the disagreement with a clear head will help you to better communicate and connect with your significant other. This will allow you both the opportunity to voice your feelings and resolve the conflict at hand.

Gain a New Perspective

As Adam & Eve writes, a recent university study showed that in less than seven minutes you can save your relationship from falling apart. Seems too good to be true, right? The key to this reported quick fix is a method called “conflict reappraisal intervention.” The participants in the study were asked to write down the most significant argument they had with their partner during the previous four months—in detail and from their own perspective. Then, they were told to rewrite the conflict from the viewpoint of an outside third party.

Two years later, those who had taken part in the study not only showed less of a drop in marriage quality, they were able to handle disagreements within their relationship more positively. That is really a long way of saying what our mothers have been telling us since grade school: put yourself in the other person’s shoes. By taking a step back and examining the argument from a different perspective, you’ll be more likely to see where your significant other is coming from. Or, at the very least, the exercise will force you to consider what the core of the issue is and approach it in a more constructive way.  

Let it Go

Sometimes, the best advice when it comes to fighting the right way just happens to be voiced by a crazy-popular cartoon character beloved by all children, and probably some adults, too. Like Elsa sings in Disney’s Frozen, the past is in the past, so… let it go. While we all know Elsa wasn’t spurned to belt out her chart-topper because of an argument she had with her boyfriend, the sentiment nevertheless applies when you’re fighting with your other half. Once you’ve both had the chance to share your side of things and are satisfied with the outcome, agree to just let it go. Nothing good can come from dwelling on the past, especially when it comes to a weeks-old argument you thought you were over.

This post was written by guest author Beckey Fravel.

Also check out my latest video on communicating better in a relationship

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Claudia Jordan and Amber Rose Take a Stand Against Slut Shaming and I Don't Blame Them!

Hold up wait a minute....Let me get this straight. I'm sexy, desirable, beautiful, sought after and intelligent so because of all I have going for me, I'm labled a slut or whore when a few relationships don't work???? Slut Shaming....What ashamed!

Photo borrowed from

Recently RHOA star Claudia Jordon took a stand against slut shaming and being called a whore by Ne Ne Leaks on #RHOA. In a recent interview on MadameNoire see her here Claudia Jordan On MadameNoire she stated and I quote “Women that do the most accusing of women being a slut or a whore are usually the biggest whores out there.” She went on to say that “ Whenever someone is losing an argument, it’s easier for them to just hit below the belt and just call the person a whore or slut without any proof, then it just sticks from there.” I must say I find credibility to her statement because it seems that women can be labeled as whatever a person’s perception of them is without them ever getting a chance to defend themselves. I say you’re a slut, so you must be a slut especially since I have a large following of people who believe I can do or say no wrong. That’s what I believe happened in this case. Ne Ne Leaks….Why did you call Claudia a Slut? What was this based off of? I’m interested in knowing and I’m certain thousands of people are interested in knowing as well. Was it hear say? Or facts? Let’s just say perception is NOT always reality no matter how many big wigs say it is!!

Recently Amber Rose also took a stand against slut shaming as well by saying she’s planning and organizing a #Slutwalk! This was due to the recent very public verbal attacks she received from her former boyfriend whom she says they were very much in love…. Kanye West! West stated after he’d been with Amber Rose he felt he had to take 30 showers. Amber of coarse fought back and threw some shots at Kim Kardashian Kanye’s wife in regards to her sex tape with singer and entertainer Ray J. My question is, if she was soooooo bad and discusting, Why Did Kanye West date her? I'll tell you why, it's because she's hot and that's what most men go for these days, the 'Hot girls!' Then later they blast them for being hot??? Dude what's YOUR problem??

Photo borrowed from

The Slutwalk didn’t start here I want to make that perfectly clear that Amber Rose is only hosting her own but the Slut Walk has been around for years and the purpose of it is to stop blaming women for being raped or miss treated simply because they dressed a certain way. Founded by  Heather Jarvis and her friend Sonya Barnett her reason for starting this movement years ago she states in an older article from Huffington Post  “We had just had enough,It isn't about just one idea or one police officer who practices victim blaming, it's about changing the system and doing something constructive with anger and frustration.” See article here Slut Walk Article on Huffington Post

So why is this? Why do you think it is that women get blamed and men get kudos when it comes to sex partners and /or the women’s track record in various partners? I mean we see it and hear it in today’s music all the time, how many women he slept with. How he be all up in that a—like bang bang bang!

He only wants a woman who is a freak then later on he comes back as Kanye did and slams her! Why is this? Would Kanye West had even looked at Amber Rose if she wasn’t drop dead gorgeous and attractive? Not to mention she’d already dated some pretty popular guys from Reggie Bush to Amar'e StoudemireYou do the research….But so what? I always say dating is healthy so my question remains, what makes her a slut or whore because she’s dated multiple guys? Same thing for Claudia Jordan, she’s dated a few people as well but so what? Dating is just like the interview process when you’re seeking a job. The hiring manager interviews multiple candidates but only picks one. How can a woman date just one guy and only pick him if he’s NOT someone in which she has fallen for?

In my book the Settlefree Dating Method for Women, a Non Non-Sense Advice Guide to Remind You That You Are More!" My Book on Amazon  I discuss women who date married men and in my opinion, unless a guy is comletely single no one should be dating a married man. Now I know love is where you find it but it should never be found in another womans husband. I won't lable it as slut behavior but I will say it's definitely different than simply having muliple boyfriends. In my book I also discuss how I use he NEXT strategy to eliminate the BS from the dating process. One quote is, " If he's not calling or texing you showing you he's interested...NEXT!!!" Well in my opinion, both Claudia and Amber have simply used the NEXT strategy because some where along the way the guys they have dated were NOT the chosen ones. No one should EVER settle for less than they deserve and because you're taking the time to find and pick a quality man does NOT make you a slut it makes you a woman who knows her worth!!!

I say do your thing ladies and keep on taking a stand for slut shaming. I've been taking a stand against men "but shaming" by wearing their pants sagging but we all see that's gotten no where and today, they are hanging even lower, but that's none of my business right? NEXT!!!! #SettleFree

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Parenting:R&B Singer and Recording Artist Angie Stone Gets Arrested Because Her Daughter Punched Her! WHAT???

Photo Borrowed from LoveBScott! 

R&B Singer/ Recording artist Angie Stone got arrested because her daughter in an angry rage began to punch her own mom in the face What???

 No way I'd settle for this! Sources are saying, Angie Stones 30 year old daughter 'Diamond" wouldn't keep her kids mess cleaned up and her own room cleaned up while living in Angie's house. When Angie confronted her they got into an argument and Diamond punched her own mom in the face!

 I just don't see why she won't move out!! If she hates her mom that much then leave!!! She's clearly resentful towards her own mom yet she gets to enjoy the privileges from the lifestyle her mom has provided? These children have no remorse for their actions and I'm sure she provoked her! She would NEVER be allowed back over there again and she needs to be moving out like YESTERDAY!! Unbelievable!

I started out a long time ago writing as the single mom go to person and I often spoke about being patient through the ups and downs of motherhood, especially as a single mom. This right here would be extremlly challenging for even me as a single moms advice maven because honey.......Now you rasing your hands to hurt me in my palace.I don't think that's going to happen! I have never in my life thought a child could be this ungrateful and disrespectful and just plain old rude to her mom! I do not CARE how much Diamond claims her mom chose her music career over her, she has no right or reason to punch her mom in the face like a street hooker! 

This would be it! I'm sorry but I have had my own share of mommy daughter arguments but THIS right here?????Uh Uh! You would be outta there to NEVER return again! 

I'll admit I saw a few sides of Angie I didn't care for on the hit TV Show R&B Divas but even SHE doesn't deserve this. 

#Settlefree! #mom #love #family #daughter #Dating #datingtips #Datingadvice #men #women #moms #singlemom #singlewomen #singlemothers #singles #single #parenting #AngieStone #ATL

Sunday, March 1, 2015


Wait a Minute....I thought I was important to you! 

I don't know about you but I am WORTHY! This is a chapter from my new book "The Settle-Free Dating Method for Women," A No Non-Sense Advice Guide to Remind You That You Are More!" 
Get Your Book Here  Also My Book is available right here in ATL and Top African American Book Store Medu Book Store. Visit the Greenbriar Mall Location and purchase your book. Yay! Okay now on to my post!

One of my favorite verses hip hop artist, singer, songwriter, and actress Nicki Minaj says in the song “No Love” she sang with R&B artist August Alsina is “You can’t treat me like you treat them , Yes I am the Creme de la Creme. You can’t front like this ain’t way reala, I know you hard I know that you’re a killa.” Pretty much she’s saying he may be pretending he’s not into her but really he is and with that said he WILL respect her!

Creme de la Crème according to the Urban dictionary means top of the line, best of the best, above all, highest of the high and better than any competition. In this song August pretty much tells her don’t expect no love from him because he just wants to pop a couple of bands with her, just drink a couple of drinks and party until they can’t with her but once again, don’t expect no love meaning he’s NOT going to commit! You can’t settle for that! You have to go in with the mind frame that you ARE the Creme de la Crème and you WILL not be played! See when you think highly of yourself then the guy has two choices….. He can treat you like the queen you are or he can get lost! NEXT!!

You also have to be very aware of the message men may be trying to send you that informs you to what degree or on what level they are interested in you. Oh yeah men show signs of interest we just have to hold a discerning spirit so we can see where they are coming from and we won't fall victim to becoming the woman he goes to for "that thing!"

I had a guy who reached out to me via direct message on Instagram. He started off sending me a photo of kissing lips. I responded after viewing his bio, congratulations on your music career and thanks for the nice smiley face. He responded it was a kiss to me indicating he liked what he saw. He went on to say I was sexy as H.E. Double hockey sticks and that I was established which turned him on! He went on to ask "Can I put you in my text?” My response was as follows: “Hi sure we can definitely text and I’d also like to interview you for my blog because there are tons of women who often want to know just how an R&B singer thinks when it comes to relationships and finding The One! I will warn you that I don’t get down like that I’m sure you know what I mean. “ His response was “Okay beautiful, we can keep it just business then and I’ll give you an interview for my blog.” His stance was most females just give him the number, they hook up, and then he’s back on IG messaging beautiful ladies like me! See most females would have given in and I’m sure this guy knows he can pretty much get who he wants and what he wants from mostly any female he encounters according to him. Then he uses them up and throws them away the moment he gets bored. Your stance has to be Oh he can’t treat me like he treats them I’m the
Creme de la Creme. baby!!
You must hold the kind of self-confidence like Cookie from Empire. I’m certain you know who Cookie is right? Well just in case you don’t let me fill you in. Cookie is a strong female who did hard time in prison to protect her at the time boyfriend whom she has three kids by and her drug money was the money that started and helped evolve Empire into what’ become. Yes I know we’re speaking about characters from a television sitcom but this type stuff goes on in real life and if you want to survive, you’d better take some notes from Cookie. She does NOT play nor does she allow mis-treatment. Pretty much despite her kids father completely shutting her out, not coming to visit her in prison nor helping her financially, and pretty much trying to turn her kids against her she STILL has quite a dominant presence in his life and she clearly demands respect!  When you’re choosing the Settle-Free dating method I do not care what you have been through be it bad relationships, infidelity, abuse both verbal and physical, lied to, deceived, mis-treated or whatever your story is YOU have to get out of coach, pass first class and get in the pilot’s seat of your life and your relationship choices so you won’t end up just anywhere! You have to see how the guys you’re dating are currently treating the ladies in their life. This could mean his mother, his sister, his daughter if he has kids, his female friends and his past girlfriends/ wife. Yes you have to be a little bossy at times to gain and earn and most importantly keep respect from these guys and guess what……if they don’t give it to you NEXT!!! Creme de la Crème remember??

You ARE Worthy to be Loved!
That “I’m not looking for love” quote has played completely out! If a man is spending time with you, getting sex from you, laughing and doing eventful stuff with you, what does he mean “He’s not looking for love?  Then what exactly is he looking for? 
You deserve to spend your time with someone who knows how to find the things he loves about you and decides to love you for them. #Settlefree

Don't miss your chance Get Your Book Here  Also My Book is available right here in ATL and Top African American Book Store Medu Book Store. Visit the Greenbriar Mall Location and purchase your book. Yay!

Thank you!

Sincerely, Tinzley.... Your Settle free Dating Love Coach!  Top Relationship coach for women, single moms, and single women.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015


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